FREEDOM

My Future Metals

2011-06-07T03:26:00.000-07:00

CLIO

D&AD (YELLOW & BLACK PENCIL)

ONE SHOW

ADFEST (LOTUS)

NEW YORK FESTIVALS

CANNES LIONS

KIDLAT

Someday, you'll become my room display. :P

Credits: GOOGLE IMAGES

UNDERCONSTRUCTION

2011-06-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

Dear blogger,

It's been a while, you were truly missed. I wanted to update you, but I forgot some shiz that's why I couldn't access my google account. So, to make it up to you - I`ll post entries I should've posted before. REWIND. :)

And because I am still jobless, I have sooo much time to waste! HAHA

BLOG REVAMP SOON :)

<3,

P :)

At Long Last

2011-03-31T21:50:00.000-07:00

After seventeen years of books and pens, four years of stress and sleepless nights...

The day I went up the PICC stage wearing some hideous piece of cloth that made me look like a student at Hogwarts (and an Athena-Wannabe dress underneath :P) with a golden medal that boasts my Alma Mater's 400 years of existence; with the rowdy, liberated AB crowd and of course, the two people who made all this possible, watching me from afar... *BOW*

Truly, the tassel's worth the hassle.

Finally, I am officially unemployed! :))

QUADRICENTENNIAL UST-AB COMMUNICATION ARTS GRADUATE :)

P-R-O-U-D!

Job for life :">

2011-03-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

Job for Life

Choosing a career path and the right job is like getting married. At first, you’ve got lots of choices – till you find ‘the one’ and you go completely head over heels. You fall in love, you fall hard – it’s crazy. You’re happy with it, you think about it 24/7, you picture yourself doing it for the rest of your life (at least idealistically – or for a very long time). You commit fully, you give time and exert utmost effort – of course, and you work hard just to make it work. Challenges spice it up; it gets boring and routinary at some point, but passion keeps you going. It’s an unending learning process; a give and take/love-hate relationship.

A year ago, ‘twas love rekindled. It took me by surprise that my childhood sweetheart has captured my heart once again, my young dream knocking once more – WRITING. But it’s different this time, like getting to know a stranger. As I try to work my way through, I discovered the little things that I unintentionally and unconsciously grew to love. The rigorous process made me realize that I wasn’t just doing it for the sake - I was doing it out of love. Passion fueled my weary heart and mind to push harder, despite my doubts and fears. I was ever ready to give my all; I knew then that I’ve fallen for writing – IT WAS LOVE. I woke up with a smile on my face, and ended the day with the same expression. I finally found what I’ve been looking for, what I wanted for the rest of my life.

A year apart, full of temptation and distraction, still this heart only beats for you. Nothing else can trigger the same monster mix of emotions. Copywriting, I am all yours. And I quote, “I think wanna marry you”. I’m ready to take the crazy world of advertising with you. J

- P J

Of Pentel Pens & Candles

2011-03-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

The Bitches who made my four years in college MISERABLE... NOT :)))

Through hell & back... Still standing, GG :)

The crazy mix.

I wouldn't want it any other way.

I love each one to bits, QCA3 <3

UST, one day I`ll make you proud :)

LAST UNIFORM DAY

a.k.a DIRTY UNIFORM DAY :))

UST QUADRICENTENNIAL BATCH 2011 BACCALAUREATE MASS :)

Brain Food

2011-01-16T19:05:00.000-08:00

POT needs brain food! Want to feed Hungry HipPOT? Click and pick now! :D

I recently discovered that Adobo Magazine sells Advertising books! I've been trying to get a copy of Cutting Edge (Advertising) for a while now. Powerbooks & Fullybooked are not selling/or out of stock. GAAAH I`m going gaga over books again! I just created another book wishlist (see below) If you love me or care for me, or you`re just plain generous - you can pick one and give it to me! It can be your Graduation (if I`ll graduate... hopefully) gift! Or if you're sweet, it can be a Valentine's treat. Or if you can't wait till September, it can also be my advance birthday present! And lastly, if you wanna be Santa Claus, I've been nice for a couple of weeks now... I think I deserve a gift :P

For the first 10 books, you can order online (via Adobo Magazine Website - Just click on 'Hungry for Ideas?')

Books 11-20 plus The Idea Book are available at Powerbooks & Fullybooked :)

And yes, I wish I had TIME! More time to read :P

So please feed Hungry HipPOT's Brain, thank you! :)

WISHLIST!

1. The Shock Doctrine: Rise of Disaster
2. Cutting Edge (Advertising)
3. Mind Set!
4. God explained in a taxi ride
5. Disruption
6. Apples, insights and mad investors
7. A big life (in Advertising)
8. This is Advertising
9. The Age of Turbulence
10. Vanity Fair's the Proust Questionnaire

11. The Art of War
12. Art of Seduction
13. Super Freakonomics
14. On Creativity and the Unconscious
15. Mind Maps at Work
16. Totem and Taboo
17. Dangerous Liasons
18. What the Dog Saw
19. You Know You Want It
20. The Tipping Point

*The Idea Book
*T-I-M-E
*More time to read :P LOL

Who would've thought? :)

2011-01-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

After FOUR years, same THREE words, TWO people, ONE reason :">

I said it before, and I`ll say it once more...

I`ll love this day forever :)

~ The Happiest Honeybee :)

Spontaneous 2011!

2011-01-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

Think less, do more!

Spontaneous 2011! :)

POSITIVE!

POTwentyTen :)

2010-12-31T02:58:00.000-08:00

Before the 2010 ends :)

POTop Ten Songs of 2010

10. Down – Jay Sean
9. One Less Lonely Girl – Justin Bieber
8. Taking Chances – Glee (Rachel)
7. Wordplay – Jason Mraz

6. Ride - Ciara
5. Lucky - Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat

4. Paperweight – Joshua Radin & Schulyer Fisk
3. Terrified – Katherine McPhee
2. Tadhana – Up Dharma Down

1. Grateful – Julianne

I`m stronger than before

Stronger than I`ll ever be

And I raise my eyes to the One

The One who made me see

Oh what I thought was lost now was found

And I`M GRATEFUL :)

I wouldn't explain the reason or meaning of each song, the top 1 encapsulates the entire year.

2010 - The most challenging yet the BEST year in my 20 years of existence :)

Through it all, I`m just grateful that I`m still here - ALIVE & KICKIN'! And I quote Katy Perry, "NO REGRETS, JUST LOVE" :P

This year has transformed me, and I`m proud to say that I've grown - BETTER NOW, BABY! :D

It wasn't easy but every experience was worth it.

By far, the craziest year - still I am blessed.

I`ll end 2010 with a smile. :)

If I`d list all the things that I`m thankful for this year, it might take me another 365 days! :))

So, I`d go for a short but sweet message. :P

THANK YOU AND HAPPY NEW YEAR, y`all!

Start the year right, welcome 2011 with a smile :D

CHEERS!

Much love,

P :)

PS.

2011, I`m ready for you.

FOLLOW ME :)

2010-12-29T17:05:00.000-08:00

Reading my past plurks felt like browsing through an old photo album.

wave of nostalgia.

Now, it's time to make new memories. Time to TWEET! :P

@Potbernabe

Runaway

2010-12-26T17:10:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to get a grip on things lately, my mind's floating with my heart. And I`m eating all the words that I`ve said, yet it feels so right. KABOOM!

Push me away, but you`re only pulling me closer
Bury each memory, but it only sinks deeper
The harder I try to move away, the easier I fall
You`re the one who`ll win at the end of it all

I gladly accept defeat
Finally found what I wish to keep
I`m ready to runaway
With you, come what may

We`ll fly across the sky,
Leave it all behind
Today, I`m yours
Tomorrow is ours

Let the world spin madly on
With you is where I belong
We can run, we can hide
Together, we`ll fight

Whatever the future may bring
Only for you, my heart would sing
I`d always stay in love this way
Every minute of every day

~ P (12/27/10)

Paskuhan `10

2010-12-18T05:07:00.000-08:00

My last Paskuhan as an official Thomasian :)

~ QCA3 Christmas Party (FOOD FOOD FOOD! Exchange gift, Awards, Shirt signing)

~ PASKUHAN :) Bonding time with QCA3 & DWTL loves

~ After party @ Music Match & Jollibee, Tomas Morato

Ikaw ang pag-ibig

Pakinggan ang himig ko

Wala na sanang lalayo

Mundong ito ay hihinto

- Tadhana LIVE, UDD

PS. Standing next to you as the beautiful colors burst and paint the night sky was worth the neck pain I suffered for eleven minutes. :)

P.P.S. Watching the dark sky turn to gray, the sunlight peeping through the clouds - beautiful. Thank God for Jollibee's steps, t'was a perfect Morato Morning :">

Pretty Melody

2010-12-13T12:46:00.000-08:00

The melody plays the tune of my heart
Every line expresses what I wish to tell
I`m tangled up in perfect harmony
And I wouldn't want it any other way

Once again, my heart started to sing
Because of the joy you bring
You`re the song that keeps playing in my head
And I never want this to end

We may have fallen out of tune
The melody may grow old
But I`ll fight for this feeling
Even if the notes start fading

The lyrics may not rhyme
But you make it perfect each time
The music will keep on playing
I`ll sing I love you, for all time

- P
14/12/10

To Forever :)

2010-12-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

When I say always, I mean forever
I trust tomorrow, as much as today
I am not afraid to say I LOVE YOU
And I promise you, I`ll never say goodbye

- The Promise, Martin Nievera

Despite all of my fears & doubts,
I committed to You
Inspite of the pain and times that I weep,
I entrusted everything unto You
And I love You, always have, always will
TWO YEARS and still counting
Living the 4th+

Happy 2nd Anniversary, SexySeventy :)

Happy Anniversary :)

Because I`m Clingy

2010-12-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

They've been keeping me sane lately.

3. When You Find Me - Joshua Radin feat. Maria Taylor

2. Statue - Lil' Eddie

1. Tadhana - Up Dharma Down

Saan nga ba patungo,
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo
Ba't 'di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipa-uubaya na lang ba 'to sa hangin
huwag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako at nakikinig saýo

Learn. Create. Compete

2010-12-06T09:17:00.000-08:00

AIMS 2010 Delegates

MOST CREATIVE

(Group Award)

BABY :)

Cherry Pop Car

1st Place

TEAM PURA

Attended the Ateneo Intercollegiate Marketing Seminar last Dec. 4-5, at Ascott Hotel, Makati.

An all-expenses paid, hotel-based seminar wherein the top 50 out of the more than a hundred applicants from the top 5 schools (ADMU, DLSU, UST, UP, UA&P) work together to come up with the best marketing plan and compete.

Great speakers, good food, nice hotel room, challenging case and the best teammates = AWESOME AIMS WEEKEND :">

Truly, a one-of-a-kind experience! :) INTENSE!

PS. My team (TEAM PURA) won the Most Creative Award and yea, 1st Place baby! :">

(1k + Sun Broadband + 300 Sun Broadband Load + AJMA Shirt)

Learn more about AIMS, visit their website :)

http://aims.ajmamachine.net/AIMS/ABOUT_AIMS.html

Through hell and back

2010-11-30T02:45:00.000-08:00

Through all the tears and temporary highs, success and bloodshed - the past few months, everything felt surreal.

I don't know where to begin, I can't even find the right words to describe it (And I don't have the time to share everything)

ONE WORD: CRAZY!

Last semester was one hell of a rollercoaster ride, and now I`m back... ready for another round.

One more spin before the eternal ride of reality, baby!

And so, I realized that I must share my precious 'last college moments' here despite the wicked schedule and never-ending list of things to do. I promise that I`ll update my blog. *pinky swear*

(With more relevant, less cheesy/slash/I-can't-wait-to-cut-my-wrist type of posts! HAHAHA)

Now with Katy Perry singing in the background and a cup of tea, I`m ever willing to surrender myself to Media Law and Taxation! And will try to brush-up on Marketing, too. YEAHBABYYYY, HERE WE GOOO! :)

Maybe you`re the reason why all the doors are closed

So you can open one that leads to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you`ll know :">

'Cause baby, you`re a FIREWORK :)

- Katy Perry

Say 'Hello' to my dates tonight! Ooh, we`ll definitely have a blast. All-night-looong! :P

RELAPSE.

2010-11-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

RELAPSE (etymologically, "who falls again") occurs when a person is affected again by a condition that affected him, or her, in the past. This could be a medical or psychological condition such as depression, an eating disorder, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, multiple sclerosis, cancer or an addiction to a drug and or substance abuse.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relapse)

The sky's clear tonight

Even stars lost their light

Still I pray that you may find

The road back to my life

Half empty, half full

How can life be so cruel?

You left me alone

Yet I still wait for you to come home

Stuck in reverse

You're my sweetest curse

I close my eyes and go back in time

Reliving the days when your heart's still mine

- P

Hello Ground Zero

2010-10-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

I tell them I`m fine

Though at the back of my mind

I still look back in time

Keep wishing that your heart's still mine

Keep trying to forget

Sometimes, I do regret

That I gave in

Or that I didn't fight hard enough to win

For the first time

I asked God, why?

I wished, I prayed, I tried

But you left me still

After long hours, days, and weeks

I still wonder why

I still breakdown and cry

I still want to give it another try

I was at the edge

Waiting for your hand to hold mine

Hoping you`ll jump with me

Free-falling for each other

But I jumped alone

Left all the doubts and fears behind

Unafraid of what's at the bottom

Now, I`m stuck at ground zero

Trying to pick up the pieces

Waiting once more

Maybe you`ll come by and make me whole again

After all the waiting and hanging

Through all the trying and crying

I`m still here

And yet, you won't look back

- P

TERRIFIED

2010-08-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

God knows how long I`ve waited for you, and now that you`re here - I`m ready to take all my chances with you, jump off the cliff and face the risks. Your warmth keeps me sane, your mere presence makes me feel secure. But whenever you're away, my fears are killing me, trust is trembling. I want you to stay, I keep wondering if I could keep you.

"I'M AT THE EDGE OF MY EMOTIONS

And I'm inlove... and I'm terrified.

For the first time and the last time, in my only life... "

- Katharine McPhee, Terrified

I hope it's... ;)

2010-08-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

And now every love song describes how I feel, my heart just can't help but sing.

2010-06-23T18:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we have to let go to give space for better things to take place.

TOGETHER :)

2010-06-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

I knew I loved you before I met you :)

I don't need to see your face, touch your skin or hear your voice to feel this way. I love you already, every bit, I love you as you are. And I just couldn't wait to make you feel my love. I want to give you so much, and I know that there's only one way to show you. The perfect gift, His love. Nothing beats. I`m praying, hoping, wishing... That His love will bind us, and that the same magic the hit on me, will have the same life-changing impact on you. I trust Him so, I know His love will linger and bring you the same peace and joy. (06/24/10)

I can't wait, 78! :">

Oo.

2010-06-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

Hindi kita hiningi, pero dumating ka.
Bawat iyak ko, karamay ka.
Sa lahat ng hirap, dakilang taga-sagip ka.
Pero sa tuwing tumatawa ako, nababalewala ka.
Kahit ano pang mangyari... andyan ka.

Kaya Sa`yo, isa lang ang laging sagot ko...
Oo. :)

~ P (06/18/10)

First Love :)

2010-06-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

Magkakabalikan din tayo... Balang araw, alam kong may panahon para sa'tin. Hindi dahil hindi tayo ngayon, hindi na pwede sa ibang taon. Alam kong nandyan ka lang, nag-iintay sa pagbabalik ko. Huwag kang mag-alala, hindi kita nalimot kailanman. Magbago man ang hilig ko, naibubuhos ko man ang oras ko sa iba, alam mong malaking bahagi ng puso ko'y iyo lang... I`yo pa rin. Walang tatalo sa ligayang dulot mo. Iba ka. Hinahanap ka ng sistema ko. Kahit anong mangyari, babalik at babalik ako sa`yo.

They've got nothin' on you, baby! :)

Can't wait, I WANT TO DANCE AGAIN! :">

Pot ties the knot... NOT!

2010-06-15T01:56:00.000-07:00

For my future husband,

You give me your last name, I give you the rest of my life. :)

There's no easy way

2010-06-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

When it falls apart, there's no easy way to break somebody's heart

- There's no easy way, James Ingram

Dear Paperweight,

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to hold on - you know deep down that you`re just wasting time and effort, because you its for the best to just let go.

You are that constant added weight I`ve been carrying on my shoulder for the past few months, and I`ve been struggling - trying to find my way out. No, you`re not a burden, I`m just not ready to be tied up again. And maybe, because I know for a fact that in the long run, I wouldn't be able to handle your weight - it's too much for me to carry... even if I try, even if I want to. Again, I`m not the type that gives up easily or procrastinates - I just couldn't bear disappointing you. I know my limits, I know my capabilities, I know myself too well... I just know that I can't do this.

Sometimes, even if you pray hard and try, try, try and try again - after several failed attempts, even fate is telling you to stop. If you know in your heart that its not for you, then you know what to do. There's no easy way, but if its for the better then just endure the pain.

I`ve decided, it's my choice. I know you`ll understand.

~ Paper

Between Choices & Fears

2010-06-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

"Anything other than YES is NO.

Anything other than STAY is GO.

Anything less than I love you... is LYING"

- John Mayer; Friends, Lovers or Nothing :)

Dear Paperweight,

I used to say, "There's always a choice". I used to believe in it so much, used to think of different situations with the corresponding choices and solutions just to justify my argument and prove my point. I used to be so sure of what I believe in. But you were right ever since, and it didn't take too long before I realized that it was wrong to argue with you on that matter.

We weren't given much of a choice. 'Cause if there were so many choices, why does it have to end this way? Is there a less painful option? A lighter path? A road we can both take?

But there's a choice, I guess I`m just not ready to acknowledge such option. Too scared to even consider it. So where do we go from here?

~ Paper

Empire State of Makati

2010-06-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

lamumar.wordpress.com

There's something about you that made me fall in love.

The bright lights?

The busy streets?

The tall buildings?

The sound of walking heels?

The sight of corporate attire everywhere?

The business feel?

I`ve grown up seeing these things, visiting you every now and then... but I never imagined I`d dream of building my life with you. Until I`ve tasted it, and now I just want to stay with you. :)

And I miss you already... Maybe I`ll come back... Someday.

Watch out, Makati :)

Paperweight

2010-05-30T08:54:00.001-07:00

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how...
- OASIS, Wonderwall

One Friday morning at Starbucks... (Basically, I was bored :P) I had the chance to be alone and face my own thoughts again, and so I let the pen do the magic. Here goes...

(A little something inspired by the movie Dear John, a series of unsent/unopened letters) :D

Dear Paperweight,

I wonder why I can't seem to write about you. Constantly, I struggle but the words won't come out right. So many things I want to say but I always end up stuck with just one line...
"I love you"

I used to think I`m smart enough, enough to protect myself, to deal with things on my own, and manage matters of the heart. But you came in and ruined everything. After months of battling with my own emotions, today I finally give in.

What would you do if you knew? I wonder and I guess, it'll forever be just a point to ponder on. Because I know pretty well that this will definitely change things. I guess I'm not ready to jump off this cliff and dive with you. Plenty of pros but I guess, what I feel isn't strong enough to fight the cons. I`m sorry.

Athough my heart tries hard to stand firm and be strong, you constantly haunt my being and rock my world. Tell me now, how can I escape you?

~ Paper

We pray and we cry

2010-05-30T04:47:00.001-07:00

The things that hurt, the things that bring tears to your eyes, the things cause your wounds, the things that push you to the edge, the things that make you drop down on your knees and pray... these are exact same things that make you strong, that make you better, that help you grow, that push you to be the best that you can be and make you turn to Him and pray...

I hold your hand, I close my eyes, I sing my praise.
You try to sing with me, with your hand shaking, tears falling.
Our hearts, trembling.
I look at the ceiling, then I look down. I was looking at the wrong directions
Look straight, the answer is right in front of me.
I see His cross, I leave it all to Him.
The answer is simple, FAITH.

STAY

2010-05-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

There are many things you try so hard to run away from, so many things you try not to think about... spending your days trying to ignore the truth, but it haunts you still. Because you know deep-down, you can't run forever, there's no permanent place to hide.

As days pass upon hearing the news that gave me that sudden heart attack, I tried to recover by burying myself with tons of work and other possible distractions. All I gained was headache and additional heartbreak. Truth is, I just can't face it.. Not now, not yet... But the clock won't stop ticking, I have to deal with it soon.. Or else, I'll face much more regret.

Many said that I'll lose so much once he leaves. How can I stand up alone? I know he thought of the same thing. He used to reject the idea of leaving, because I depend too much on him. He thinks of me too much, that I just said... "think of yourself first, I can handle myself". I'd like to believe that what I said is true, I'm just not entirely sure if I can really do it. But I guess life leaves me no choice and I think its also about time for us to really grow up. I just didn't want it to be this way, growing up while growing apart.

I want to tell you so much, "I want you to stay". But I couldn't be that selfish, I won't tie you down. I`ll be strong enough to let you go and grow.

I am writing here again, it just means that the pain is too much that I have to pour it somewhere.

Twinkle, twinkle little star

2010-04-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

Drama Queen Diaries (1)

All my life I`ve always wanted to shine, but this little star isn`t twinkling the way it`s supposed to. The question is, why?

I`m guessing it`s because I`m stuck in this phase wherein I can`t understand myself. Weird? All of a sudden, I asked myself, "Who am I?" (no, the next line isn`t "that`s a secret I`ll never tell, XOXO" - naaah, not GG :P LOL) This question has been bothering me for quite sometime now. I used to be so sure of who I am, my personality, the way I act and dress, all that shit. Suddenly, I`m torn and I feel totally uncomfy. Who am I really? Sometimes, I tend to think that I`m suffering from multiple personality disorder. Or that I tend to blend in too much, that I adapt to the environment I`m in and tend to be like the people I`m with. How can you shine if you`re just like the rest? I`ve always wanted to be different, to stand out - but something keeps on holding me back. And may be this is it, the fact that I`m not sure of certain aspects in my life. I couldn`t hold on to a solid ground that I can be proud of, that I can stand up for. Maybe that`s what I`m lacking.

With my faith, definitely, there`s no doubt there but the others are questionable. I realized that what keeps on pulling me down and hindering me from growing is this fact, this inner struggle, and I need to fix this in order for me to move forward. I need to be comfortable with who I am, love every bit of it and build my way up. Two sides are battling inside my brain as I rinse the shampoo of my hair this morning, debating on where I stand right now. I must clear this phase so I can focus on the future. Can`t think of strategies for what tomorrow might bring if I`m too preoccupied with present issues, so I must deal with this now and not waste more time. Ticktock. Time check, I just have a year left before I enter the 'real world'. Before that I must figure out what I want, who I want to be, what I want to achieve. I need to be solid on one thing and hold on to it. I wanna know where I truly belong. It may not be where I`m good at, but it must be where I can grow as a whole and must be where my heart would feel at home.

So many roads to choose from, so many paths that are ever so tempting. Which one would you pick? Having so many options isn`t always a good thing. Now, that`s for the next entry. ;P

Thankful :)

2010-04-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

I`m crying because I feel really blessed. I don`t know how to thank You. Through all the hardships and heartbreaks, confusion and doubt - one hell of a rollercoaster ride! But the ride was truly worth every fall. Now, I`m at the top and I can`t thank you enough. My life has been a disaster for the past months, it felt like I was torn to pieces. But I guess its true that things fall apart so that they can fall into the right place. And things are finally working out, I just can`t believe that everything seem so unbelievably perfect. You are simply amazing. Every new church I went to, I`ve asked for the same thing - and yes, You gave it me. Dean`s List, awesome internship at Lowe, the right direction, truly - I am one less lonely girl. Thank You so much :)

Letter to J

2010-03-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

To the only 'constant' in my life,

You love me so much that even if I always take you for granted, if I forget you a thousand times, if I choose so many things over you, if I question your ways and doubt, if I neglect you, reject you, betray you. You chose, still choose, and will always choose to stay with me. No need to ask why, because the answer is simple. You love me, without hesistations, limits, conditions. And I may say a million times that I love you, you know I do - but there's no way in this lifetime that I can ever match your love. But you don't mind, you just love me and that's enough. Whatever I can give, no pressure - you still accept me. You`re the only thing I know that will never leave my side, the only right thing amidst all the confusion and mistakes. I know I need not ask this, but please stay with me. You`re that one sure thing I can always hang on to. I need you now, I need you bad, I will always need you. I feel restless, because I tend to forget to call you and seek your help and guidance. But that's all I need, no need to search for more. I`m sorry and I love you.

- P

I HATE YOU

2010-03-09T07:50:00.001-08:00

I hate the way you give me goosebumps whenever you arrive in the room

I hate the way you make it hard for me to stare at you and listen

I hate it when you share your comments about me out loud

I hate the way you notice even the smallest details about me

I hate the way I stutter when I talk to you

I hate your short, cold replies

I hate it when you fall asleep without saying goodnight

I hate the way you make me worry whenever you don't reply

I hate the fact that I tend to memorize your schedule

I hate the fact that I couldn't resist

I hate the fact that maybe history is repeating itself again

I hate the way you keep on repeating lines I dislike

I hate the fact you're interesting

I hate the way you make me smile

I hate your corny jokes

I hate your humor

I hate the fact that I enjoy your company

I hate the fact that I love discovering new things about you

I hate the fact that I look forward to listening to your stories

I hate the fact that you actually make me laugh

I hate the fact that you're so open and honest

I hate the fact that you're always there

I hate the fact that you're actually making time for me

I hate the fact that I miss you whenever you don't talk to me

I hate your impact on me

I hate the fact that I just want you around

I hate the fact that I want to keep you

I hate the gap between us

I hate the situation we're in

I hate the fact that I'm comfortable with you

I hate the way you make my life complicated

I hate the fact that I'll never be the same again

I hate the thought that maybe I do like you too

What I hate the most is that maybe it's true.

Hello, awesome weekend :D

2010-03-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

Ang pangalan mo'y narinig
Di napigilan ang kilig
Ang puso'y hindi mapigilan ang pintig
Walang tigil ang kabog ng dibdib

Iba kasi ang tama
Pag ikaw ang kasama
Parang droga
Lumilipad na parang nasa ulap na

Kay sarap harapin ang umaga
Basta't kapiling ka
Di mapakali't isang tulog pa
Sana magbukas na. :)

*excited!*

Focus, February, Focus.

2010-02-28T07:42:00.000-08:00

Before we say hello to March, I want to write a little goodbye message for my crazy February.

Hello, February 2010!

The first day we met, you already broke my heart and made me cry. My February started with one of the most painful goodbyes and but one of the happiest hellos. It was my last day in Japan then, a heartbreaking scene - seeing our Japanese friends, their eyes are all red and really really small before boarding the plane. It was painful to go and say goodbye, but it felt great to say hello and see my family and friends again! It took me a couple of days or prolly a week to finally get over everything that happened in dCatch. It was struggle, trying to face everything you left behind when you know that your mind and heart are in Japan, stuck in rewind. Oh it wasn`t easy and my real normal life was the biggest victim of the dCatch curse. I couldn`t focus, because looking at our pictures and trying to re-connect with my Asian friends took up most of my time. But thank God for my friends for pulling me back, I love B`ple forever. Events such as Kat`s 19th, AB Faculty Show, USTv Awards and other group works gave us time to get together again. As I was about to get my old 'normal' life back, another thing rocked my world and until now, my life's a disaster because of it. (though, you can say it`s a beautiful disaster :p) And once again, I couldn`t sleep and focus. I don`t know what March will bring, but I do hope my life won`t be a mess by then. I`m asking for His guidance, I really want to end this semester right, please help me pray. :)

Ooh and another thing, I fell in love with Tuesdays (magical, indeed!). Now, I have a new favorite day to look forward to. I hope the magic continues till Tuesdays of March! :)

O focus, where art thou?
And so I ended my February still trying to look for focus! I couldn`t start working on my homework and resume, NEWS FLASH: focus lost again! :l darn! :)) Oh well, must start now!

Goodbye, February! Hello, March! :D (please be nice to me :p)

HardRock

2010-02-25T01:06:00.000-08:00

I asked Him for a sign, and He gave it to me. It wasn't what I expected, deep down I know that it wasn't what I wanted. But then again, I've been running for so long - my heart is restless for days now. I can't focus, I can't even sleep properly. May be its about time to stop this madness and just let it go. And I`d like to believe that this is what's best for me. I trust in Him that wherever He leads me to, is the right road. Even though it may hurt me in the process.

So here's to a new start. Hello, hardrock! :>

Wish me luck, y`all :)

Patikim ng Ice Cream

2010-02-24T19:17:00.000-08:00

Para kang ice cream

Masarap lang sa unang tingin

Pag-ihip ng mainit na hangin

Ay mawawala rin

Sa una`y kaaya-aya

Nakakatakam sa panlasa

Perpekto ang porma

Napuno ako ng intriga

Nang mapasakin

Isang cone na may ice cream

Di maipaliwanag

Ang nadamang galak

Sa isang tikim, agad ng inangkin

Walang paki, sabihan mang sakim

Sa mga natatakam ay ayaw ipasubok

Kahit sa mga kaibiga`y di nag-alok

Ngunit nang nagtagal

Unti-unti rin nalusaw

Walang kalaban-laban sa init ng panahon

Pag-ibig mo`y unti-unti rin nabaon

Ubos na pati apa

Naiwan na lang ang lasa

Ako ngayon ay mag-isa

Dinaramdam ang panlalamig mo, sinta

Hawak ang tissue na tanging natira

Patuloy akong nagtataka

Bakit sa ilalim ng init ng araw

Ako`y giniginaw

Ang natunaw na yelo

Katulad ng pagmamahal mong naglaho

Pusong umaasa sa iyong pag-ibig

Walang makapitan kung hindi bakas ng lamig

- P (02/24/10)

For Retorika Class :)

:)

2010-02-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile like the sun

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

- Smile, Uncle Kracker :)

(My new 'feel good' song! :D)

I`m lucky just to linger in your light.

I`m happy.

Enough said. :)

Too Many Walls

2010-02-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

It has always been my 'defense mechanism' to open up only to a few people, coz I`ve always been scared of attachments. My friends know very well that I get easily attached to people, and consistency has this unexplainable impact on me. Whenever I find someone really interesting and I enjoy that person`s company, it makes me vulnerable. It`s not that I trust easily, it`s just that I find it hard to ignore the connection and I can`t help but end up wanting more. It`s not always the case, but it did happen a couple of times - and I did end up beaten. After a few heartbreaks, I guess its just right to build walls - in the hope that this would shield my heart from future pain.

But you can`t always keep people out of your life, you can`t always drive them away. It`s not always easy to choose those you`d keep and it`s not always fair to just pick some and don`t let others get the same opportunity. I`m not always right, my judgment and instincts may have their flaws because I still end up hurting after building walls.

And it`s not just choosing and leaving that's hard, coz it also pains when you`re the one left behind. I don`t know which one`s harder, it depends upon the situation - but either way, pain is always present. I sometimes find myself asking, why am I always the one at the losing end? Whenever let my guard down and everything goes well, something`s bound to break it. When there`s someone brave enough to break the wall or someone I`d want to stay, the world keeps getting in the way. Leaving me with no choice but to accept whatever the other party decides to do, having no say in process - I feel helpless. I guess its true that good things come to an end.

People come, people go. Some pass by unnoticed, but the real ones leave a lasting impression. I`ve built too many walls but somehow, I`m still hoping and praying that someday I`ll open up to the one - one ready to break the wall and will choose to stay. The real one that I could keep, that one with the love that`s gonna last.

Valentine`s Day `10 :)

2010-02-14T00:59:00.000-08:00

I watched Valentine`s Day movie with friends (B`s) yesterday, and yes, I cried. I`ve been waiting for that movie for quite sometime now, since I saw the trailer when I watched 500 Days of Summer. At first I thought that the story is quite shallow, but no. T`was nice, really. It featured different types of relationships, and how these are affected by that one single day - Valentine`s Day. Aside from the fact that the lines and the stories were really touching, maybe the fact that I celebrate Valentine's alone added to the tears. Geez, it takes guts to actually admit that. LOL :P It's really annoying to see people around, in school, the mall - carrying flowers and balloons, couples holding hands - just because of what? Valentine's Day. Sometimes, I believe that this day was made to make single people realize that they have to find love soon, coz the world keeps on rubbing in that 'hey, you`re alone!' And some genius created such a day to increase the sales of flowershops, chocolate stores and the like. I just don`t see the point why you have create such a fuzz to express love on one day, when you have 364 other days in a year to do so, when the prices of flowers are lower or when the restaurants are less crowded. Despite all these, people take time and extra effort to celebrate this day - and somewhat, expecting to receive that magic in whatever concrete form.

I may sound really bitter, well, I was. :)) Yesterday, I couldn`t help but feel that way. It was hard trying to ignore the extra sweet couples, coz wherever you turn, you can see one - old or young. At least it was a bit comforting to be with friends who are single like me. :)) And good to know that there's nothing to expect, just a new day like any other. But...

I woke up this morning hearing the voices of two men talking..
And as one of them lay a boquet of flowers beside my head, I opened my eyes and saw them smiling. They whispered, Happy Valentine's Day then kissed me on the forehead.
I can`t help but smile :) And when they left, I cried once again.

I realized that this day is not just for couples celebrating love, but it`s about love in general. Including all types of love in this world. And God really moves in mysterious ways, because He has blessed me with so much. I was wishing for one, but instead, He gave me two guys who really love me. My brothers never fail to make my day. It`s a HAPPY Valentine`s day after all. :)

All you really want is love`s confusing joy

- Valentine`s Day Movie :)

PS. Watch Valentine`s Day Movie :)

Ooh and another thing, it`s not just a HAPPY Valentine's Day, it's very interesting as well. (insert like option here :P)

Gimme a reason.

2010-02-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

Please give me reasons to get up and move forward, coz I`m blinded by reasons to just stay here and stare at the traces you left behind. I can`t walk away.

Let go. Move on. Keep moving forward.

How come it's so hard?

I really miss dCATCH. I wanna go back to Japan! Please.

Paalam, Pangarap!

2010-01-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

I fell in love with a dream, now I don`t want to wake up.

I saw you once again, doing something that makes you happy. As I watch from a far, I can feel your passion and I can see your joy. I wish you knew, that just by watching you, you made my wish come true. Kick. Goal. Score! :">

Nabawi ang lahat
Natupad ang matagal nang pangarap
At tulad ng dating pangako
Ito ang huling yugto at hudyat ng paglimot

The world is my alarm clock, the sun is up and it's telling me to stop

Reality bites.

Peace, Pinas! :D

2010-01-21T11:19:00.000-08:00

Pagyamanin at ipalaganap ang kapayapaan sa Pilipinas

Tatak Pinoy! :D

For AdSpeak 2010

Print Ad

Love for country and respect for national customs & traditions

(50% of Adver Prelims)

Bernabe, Manasan, Pangilinan

Isang Shot lang, Darna

2010-01-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

Retorika Class 'Ang Aking First Time' Essay. :)

Ang bawat shot ay para sa bawat problemang pilit kong kinakalimutan. Pero sa bawat shot, hindi problema ko ang nawawala, kung hindi ang kontrol ko sa aking ginagawa.

Hindi ako tanggera, at lalong di ako tomador. Di naman ako nagmamalinis na di pa ko nakakatikim ng alak, pero di lang talaga pala-inom. Walang umiinom sa pamilya, pero hindi rin naman bawal sa amin. Sadyang di lang ata trip ng dugo namin ang alak dahil lumalabas ang makakating pantal matapos ang ilang tagay. Kaya`t hindi talaga fan ng alkohol at di pa rin nalalasing, hanggang isang gabi...

Patapos ang prelims noon, at dahil gusto namin magdiwang dahil nakaraos mula sa pagsusunog ng kilay, nagkayayaan mag-overnight. Sabi nila, lagi kaming dito sa Quezon City banda, bat di naman daw subukan sa south. Noong una`y ayaw pumayag ng tatay ko dahil malayo, di rin ako nagpilit dahil hindi ko rin mawari ang sarili kong gusto. Gusto ko magtrabaho pero ko gusto ko rin mag-unwind. Sabay sabay kasi ang problema, ang bigat buhatin ng lahat ng responsibilidad. Alam ng nanay ko ang pinagdadaanan ko, kaya siya narin mismo ang nagsabi na subukan ko muling magpaalam para makasama. Siguro`y naramdaman niyang kailangan ko yun noong panahon na yon, kailangan ng 'break'.

Puyat at lutang pagkatapos ang huling pagsusulit, naglakbay kaming magkakaibigan papuntang Las Pinas. Maraming 'first' na naganap, unang beses sumakay ng LRT1, unang pagsakay ng pampublikong bus papuntang south. Masarap dahil kasama ang barkada, adventure ang dating. At di pa doon nagtapos ang mga 'first time', dahil nag-uumpisa pa lamang ang tunay na adventure.

Hindi katulad ng nakasanayan naming mga bar ang pinuntahan namin, kaya di rin todo ang make-up at outfit. First time ko sa lugar na yon, at unang beses ko rin nasubukan ang tunay na inuman. Saktong inuman lang, nakaupo ang mga tao at nagkwe-kwentuhan, may pulutan at may magandang tugtog. Di siksikan, di rin nakatayo at sumasayaw ang mga tao. Sabi nga ng kabarkada ko, kapag tumatanda na raw, nagbabago ang trip, mas gusto na yung kayo-kayo lang, kwentuhan na may kasamang alak. Tumatanda na nga siguro kami at ganun na ang napagtripan naming gawin.

Nag-order sila ng kanya-kanyang beer at isang pitsyel ng Badtrip, isang inuming kulay asul na halo-halong alkohol. Nag-order ako ng isang baso ng tinatawag nilang ScrewDriver, di ko alam bakit ganun ang pangalan pero juice lang naman ito na hinaluan ng kaunting gin. Noong una`y nagdadalawang isip sila isama ako sa ikot ng shot, pero nagustuhan ko ang lasa ng Badtrip, kaya tuloy tuloy rin sa pagshot. Nasundan ito ng Bad Girl at Bad Boy, na di ko na maalala ang kulay at lasa. Mabilis ang ikot ng shot, mabilis naubos ang pulutan at mabilis rin ang epekto ni Alkohol sa akin.

Hindi ako si Darna, at di rin bato ang nilunok ko. Pero matapos ang ilang lagok ng alak, ay nagtransform din ako. Di kagaya ni Darna, di lang two-piece ang pula sa akin, kung hindi buong katawan. At di katawan ko ang lumilipad sa kalawakan, kung hindi utak ko lang ang lumulutang. Wala akong tala sa noo, pero naging instant Amerikana ako. Hindi ako sumigaw ng "Darna", sosyal ako at ang sigaw ko ay "No, I`m not!" sabay buga ng suka. Lalong di ako sumasagip ng buhay, dahil ako ang naging kaaway.

Noong una`y patext-text pa ako, hanggang sa mag-umpisa na akong magtawag. May nais akong tawagan, pero tinago na ng mga kaibigan ang cellphone ko. Sinubukan nila ako palakarin palayo sa inuman. Pakiramdam ko nama`y diretso pa ang lakad ko pero daanan papunta kay kamatayan pala ang tinatahak ko, dahil mga rumaragasang sasakyan ang sinasalubong ko. Pilit kong pinaniniwala ang mga kasama na di ako lasing, sabi ko pa "Paano ako mababasag, e di naman ako pinggan?"

Naging isang alagaing bata ako ng mga kabarkada, napakaswerte ko nga talaga sa mga kaibigan dahil di nila ko pinabayaan. Kahit na halos lahat sila`y inaway ko na, may ibang napaiyak ko pa. Nakahiga ako at sinusubukang matulog habang nakayakap sa isang kaibigan nang di inaasahang tumulo ang mga pilit pinipigil na luha. Kasabay nito ang paglabas ng mga tinatagong sama ng loob. Ang patagong iniintay na tawag ngunit ang cellphone ay di na muling nagring, ang pressure na dala tuwing nakukumpara sa kapatid na idolo ang turing, at ang bigat ng responsibilidad, di mapakali si EP sa nalalapit niyang taping.

Isang gabi ng pagtakas, pagwawala, na pilit na nilimot ang lahat ng sakit - parang hayop na nakawala mula sa matagal na pagkakakulong. Sinubukan kong iwanan ang lahat, bahala na, sa paraan ng pag-inom. Gusto ko rin kasing malaman kung bakit tuwing may problema ang tao, dinadaan sa alkohol. Ngayong alam ko na, nananatiling tanga ang tingin ko sa kanila dahil wala namang naayos na problema ang alak, nakadagdag pa. Gumastos ka para sumakit ang ulo mo hanggang isuka mo lahat ng kinain mo, tapos naperwisyo mo pa ang kapwa mo. Pero di ko sila masisi, at di rin ako nagsisisi. Dahil alam kong minsan sa buhay ko, natakasan ko ang mundo. Masarap ang pakiramdam na walang pakealam sa paligid.. Pero pagkatapos ng sarap ay babalikan ka pa rin ng sakit. Paggising mo palang, uumpisahan ng sakit ng ulo dahil sa hangover, hanggang sa panunumbalik ng sakit na dala ng mundong tinakasan mo. Walang permanent magic ang alak, di nito kayang burahin ang mga problemang gusto mong mawala.

Dito ko napatunayan ang pagkakaiba namin ni Darna. Pareho man kaming maraming ginagawa, si Darna, sa pagsasagip sa mundo, habang ako, sinasagip ko ang sarili ko. Hindi nga ako si Darna, dahil di niya tinatakbuhan ang mga kalaban.

Pagtakbo Palayo sa Anino

2010-01-09T04:48:00.000-08:00

Hindi ko ginustong tumakbo muli nung unang kong masilyan ang mukhang matagal ng nais makita. Alam kong buhay siya, nakikita kong nasa mabuting kalagayan, ayos na ko. Nagtagal ang pagkikita, ang hirap lumugar. Nakikiramdam sa paligid, tila di makaimik. Dinaan ko ang lahat sa ngiti. Aba, matibay pala ako, kaya ko pala, wala ng dating sakin `to. Ngunit nang nataon na kami na lamang ang magkausap, parang naglaho mundo at nasira rin ang mga harang na binuo ko. Antagal kong pinaghadaan na hindi na ko muling masasaktan kapag makikita ko siyang muli, pero wala di pala kayang daanin sa pagppractice ang puso. Dahil kailanman, hindi mapeperfect ang shield para hindi na ito muling masaktan.

Magkahalong saya at sakit ang naramdaman ko. Sobrang magkasalungat na emosyon, nagtatalo noong gabing iyon. Ang saya ko na makitang maayos siya, ang makasama siyang muli na kalaban ang sakit ng mga huling salitang binitawan niya. Pinili kong huwag pansinin, nagbabakasakaling makakalimutan ko rin. Dinaan ko sa panonood ng TV, pakikinig ng radio, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero pagkatapos ng lahat, isang sulyap lang sa litrato niya, nawasak ang pagpapanggap. Di inaasahang tumulo muli ang luha.

Ang isip ko pala ang tumatakbo, kaya pala kahit walang ginawa`y parang pagod ako. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam dahil ang puso`y di rin mapakali. Parang lagi akong may pinatataguan, naging magulo muli ang lahat. Pinilit kong takasan ang katotohanan, pero kahit anong gawin ko, wala rin akong mabago. Di parin mapakawalan ang mga pangarap, di parin madali ang muli siyang makita. Dahil di parin lubos ang paglimot, at nananatili parin ang lihim na pagtingin.

At kahit anong pilit kong isipin ang mga bagay na natitira sakin, ang mga mas dapat kong pagtuunan ng pansin. Sa huli, ikaw parin.

Wala pala kong niloko kung hindi sarili ko. Pilit ko man isaksak sa utak ko na tumigil na`t wala rin namang patutunguhan, sadyang matigas ata ang ulo ko. Sabi ko sa kaibigan ko, sampalin mo nga ako. Sabi naman niya, sobra ka na nga sa sampal eh. Sabi ko naman, siguro nga kaya manhid na ko.

Ang iyong mga mata, mga salita, at ang mga hawak. Hindi ko matignan, ang hirap pakinggan at ayokong bitiwan.

Sana lahat panaginip na lang.

- Mya

Pagbabalik ng Aninong Puti Sequel, Mya's side :)

Pagbabalik ng Aninong Puti

2010-01-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

Muling nabalot ng kaba ang pusong matagal tagal narin napahinga. Muli nanamang kumakatok ang takot sa pusong nakatulog dala ng pagod. Hindi makapakali, paano ang bukas?

Ano nga bang meron bukas at nagkakaganyan ka, Mya?

Makikita ko siya ulit.

Si Mya ay isang simpleng babaeng wala naman masyadong ipagmamalaki. May pangarap at gustong patunguhan sa buhay. Nakilala niya si Brent sa unibersidad. Si Brent ang taong iisipin mong nasa kanya na ang lahat, ang 'ideal' para sa marami. Isang lider, gwapo, mayaman, mabait, talentado, matalino at madasalin. Parang ang hirap paniwalaan na may ganyang klaseng lalake sa panahon ngayon. Kaya parang sing-taas ng langit na kay hirap abutin rin ang tingin ni Mya sa kanya. Ikinukumpara niya ito sa isang anghel, paburito niya itong titigan lalo tuwing ito`y nakasuot ng unipormeng puti. Malaking pasasalamat talaga dahil naging bahagi siya ng staff ni Brent at pinagbibigyan siya ng pagkakataon na maging malapit dito.

Matagal tagal rin di nakita ni Mya si Brent. Tumigil na ang mga bata sa pangangaroling at pumutok na ang fireworks noong bagong taon, pero hindi na niya muling nisilayan si Brent. Umasa siyang bago man lang matapos ang nakaraang taon ay makikita niya itong muli, kahit na hindi niya sigurado kung anong maidudulot sa kanya ng muling pagkikita. Siguro nga`y ito na ang paraan ng Diyos para mas madali siyang makalimot. Pero hindi parin naging madali.

Ilang buwan ang pagkahibang niya, kayraming mga nabuong pangarap habang gising at nagpatuloy ang pangangarap hanggang sa pagtulog. Umpisa palang alam naman ni Mya na imposible, alam niyang mananatiling pantasya para sakanya si Brent. May ilang kaibigan narin na nakakakilala kay Brent ang nagsabing marami na ang nasawi, bat nga naman dadagdag ka pa sa bilang ng casualties? Pero matigas ang ulo ni Mya, sige lang dahil ang tingin niya`y mababaw lang naman - di niya inakalang tinamaan siya ng malupit.

Kaya ganun nalang rin kalupit ang hirap sa pagtiwalag sa matindi niyang kapit. Tila ayaw magising sa pagtulog dahil sa ganda ng naipintang bukas. Kahit alam niyang pawang imahenasyon ang lahat. Pero ang patuloy rin kasi na paglalapit ng tadhana sakanila, ang naging dahilan rin ng lalong paglakas ng loob ni Mya. Kaya`t patuloy rin ang paglalim ng nararamdaman at paniniwala sa pag-asa. Tanga.

At kasing lupit ng tama niya ang realidad. Ang realidad na walang patutunguhan ang pagpapantasya niya. Na pawang pagaaksaya ng panahon at emosyon ang inaatupag niya sa tuwing nangangarap. Hindi sinisikatan ng liwanag ng araw ang mundong inaasam niya para sa kanila, dahil wala namang sila at siguro nga`y di kailan man magkakaroon ng 'sila'. Ginusto man niyang subukan, pero wala siya magawa dahil laging nalulunod sa pride at hiya. At alam rin niyang parang kapatid ang turing sa kanya nito, sadyang malambing at mabuting tao lang si Brent.

Napagtanto ni Mya ang ang lalim ng pagtingin niya kay Brent ng minsa`y di na niya kinaya ang makaharap ito, tumakbo palayo at di inaasahang bumuhos ang luha. Matagal narin niyang niloloko ang sarili, at kinimkim ang sama ng loob ng di makuha ang kanyang inaasam.

Simula noon ay di na niya muling nakita pa si Brent. Marahil tulong narin ng Panginoon sa kanya iyon, ang hindi sila pagtagpuin muli. Kaya`t hanggang ngayon, nananatiling palaisipan para kay Mya kung kaya na ba niyang muling harapin ang nasirang pangarap.

Dati`y parang aninong laging nakasunod sakin ang mga plano ko para satin. Kahit saan man pumunta, kahit anong gawin, basta naroon ang liwanag na nagbibigay pag-asa na makakasama kita, nabibigyang buhay rin ang mga pangarap ko.

Pero nagising ako.

Maraming gabing hindi nakatulog ng mahimbing, sa paglaon ay sadyang hindi na binibisita ng matatamis na panaginip. Ngayo`y ika`y nagbabalik, aninong puti, manunubalik rin ba ang pangarap o magiging isang bangungot ng nakaraan na lamang?

KAPIT.

2009-12-31T03:39:00.000-08:00

Fasten your seat belt, this is my 2009 year end post. :)

Ang 2008 ay isang tsubibo, mula sa pagbagsak ng buhay at unti-unti kong naiahon ang sarili. Ang paglisan sa dating nakasanayan, ang masakit na proseso ng paglimot at ang pagsalubong sa malaking pagbabago. Hindi naging madali ang pagsisimulang muli, salamat sa mga yumakap sakin sa oras na ito. At sa bagong pag-ibig at mga bagong mukha sa aking buhay, ang pagsayaw, na sa bawat galaw na natutunan ay pinaparamdam sakin ang ligaya - dahil nasusuklian ang pagmamahal na ibinubuhos ko. Ito rin ang taon ng pagtuntong sa legal na edad kasabay ng katuparan ng labing-pitong taong pangarap. Ang isa sa pinakamasayang gabi ng buong buhay ko, ang 18th Birthday. At may bonus pa, ang pagpapakilala mong muli sa aking buhay. Ang pinakamagandang regalo noong paskong iyon, ang pag-ibig ni Hesus at ang bagong pamilya. Sakit at sarap, baba at taas. Ang mala-tsubibong 2008.

Ang 2009 ay puno ng hamon. Mula sa malaking pagbabagong pansarili ng 2008, inaasahan ko na na hindi magiging madali ang susunod na taon. Pero hinarap ko ang bawat hamon ng may ngiti, dahil may matibay akong kinakapitan. Ang bawat pagtawag para mapaglingkuran siya ay sinagot ko ng buong puso, hindi ko inakalang tatawagin ako at lalong hindi rin inasahang magiging pang habang buhay na ito. Malaking pasasalamat dahil hindi ko rin lubos makita ang buhay ng wala Siya, ang hindi makapaglingkod. Sa bawat paghinga, isip at aksyon ko ay naroon Siya, ang sarap ng pakiramdam na maibalik ang lahat ng natatanggap na pagmamahal sa pinakamagandang paraan - ang maiparamdam at maibahagi ang pagmamahal Niya sa iba. Punong-puno ako ng pagmamahal ngayong taon, pagmamahal na naging sandigan ko para ituloy ang bawat laban. Hindi Niya ko pinabayaan. Kay rami mang bagyong dumating ngayong taon, nanunumbalik parin ang liwanag ng araw. At sa bawat pagsikat, binibigyan ako ng bagong pag-asa. Kaya malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa bawat dagok at lubak sa daan na aking tinatahak, dahil sa bawal galos at sugat na natamo, natututo ako sa bawat sakit. Ang sakit sa muling pagdurugo ng puso, ang pagbabadya ng pagkakasira ng isang nakapahalagang pundasyon sa aking buhay, ang pagbuhos ng problema, panghihina ng katawan at loob. Pero sa pag-usad ng panahon, naghilom ang mga sugat at naging daan ito para maging mas mabuti akong tao at binigyan ako ng mga aral na hindi ko makukuha sa mga libro. At ang lahat ng hirap ay nabigyang pansin, mula sa walang pahinga at pagsusunog ng kilay na nagbigay naman ng magagandang grado at natupad ang matagal ng hangad - naging Dean`s Lister sa wakas! Salamat sa lahat ng pagtitiwalang natanggap sa taong ito - mula sa pagtawag sakin upang maglingkod sa Kanya, sa trabahong ipanagkaloob sakin sa mga organisasyong sinalihan, sa mga responsibilidad na ipinataw sakin sa klase. At ang isang hakbang para sa pangkalahatang pagbabago, ang hirap para sa isang boto - Isa na kong ganap na botante! Ang bawat pagsubok ay darating sa di inaasahang paraan at pagkakataon, at kahit anong pilit nito na hilahin ako pababa - may isang kamay na laging sasagip at hihilahin ako pataas gamit ang mga tao sa aking paligid. Patuloy niya kong niyayakap sa bawat hirap, tuwing magdidilim ang daan. Kaya patuloy kaming maglalakbay, hawak kamay sa darating pang mga taon, habang buhay. :)

Sa bawat pagliko, pagakyat-baba at pag-ikot ng rollercoaster, alam kong sa pagtatapos ng ride na ito ay isa na akong bagong tao. :)

Keep moving forward!

Happy New Year, Y`all!

WELCOME, 2010!

*rawr!* :D

BREAK?!

2009-12-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

Tis the season to be jolly... NOT!

Thanks to the huge amount of work load that our dear professors gave to us as christmas presents, we have so much time to relax and enjoy the holidays. I enjoy so much to the point that everytime I watch dvds, I feel guilty for not using the time to read or start working on my homework. And my 'goals achieved list' is not very long and I`m not proud of it. So far, I haven`t done anything for school except read a few pages for one subject and there are tons left unread. Geez. I actually planned on watching different series and its not going too well on that plan as well. I finished Glee, almost finished with GG2. 90210-2 and GG3 are next in line, but I doubt that I`ll be able to watch during the remaining days of Christmas break. I want alone time, I want to go to the gym, I want to dance, I want to sleep all day, I want to feel bored, I want to fix my life. I want to do so much, but so little time. I really wish there`s a way I can stop time or at least pause even just for a while. But there`s no such option, I really should stop ranting and start working my ass off. There`s nothing I can do to change the way life is anyway. This is the path that I`ve chosen, I need to deal with it. So, I`ll start by keeping my mouth (or the ranting part of my brain) shut and workworkwork! I`ll be wasting time if I keep doing this anyway, but I just need to get this out of my chest. *wheeew* That feels awesooome! Game face and work mode on! *RAWR*

Enjoy the rest of the holidays, folks! ;)

PS. I LOVE CHUCK BASS. :">

Merry Little Christmas :)

2009-12-25T07:35:00.000-08:00

How could I ask for more, when you`ve given me so much?

I guess, before I begin writing my wants I should look at what I already have.

Then, I could finally say, I am so blessed.

There`s no need for wishlists, I`m complete.

There`s so much to be thankful for, so many reasons to celebrate.

SMILE! It`s my boyfriend`s birthday! (BFJ-BoyFriendJesus)

Count your blessings, be happy, spread the love!

Merry CHRISTmas, y`all :)

Everytime She Calls

2009-12-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

I stare at her
As she smiles
Somehow wishing
It`s my eyes she`s looking at

But I also smile from a far
Knowing that she`s happy
Though I know deep down
I want to be the reason

Then at night
I wait for her call
Precious minutes
Whenever I hear her voice

She eagerly talks about her day
How he makes her feel
I can feel her joy
But it`s because of another boy

At times she calls
Sharing stories filled with silent sobs
As she expresses her sorrow
I cry twice as much

There`s nothing I could do
But be there for her
Her lover is my friend
My feelings, I can`t defend

When she left
She took everything with her
My heart and my friend
I`ve got nothing but myself

I stare at the phone
Wishing it would ring
I miss the joy
Her voice brings

And someday, I wish she`ll look back

There`s a man alone

Always behind
Waiting for her call

Just one dial
But pride won`t let me
When she calls again
Maybe then I could say it all

Somewhere in your priceless smile
I wish I could the reason
Somewhere in your eyes
I wish it`s me that you see

For another P :)

- P 12/22/09

Endless Love :">

2009-12-21T00:41:00.000-08:00

Best way to relax.

Thanks a lot, GLEE! :)

Can`t wait for Season 2! :">

Cold Coffee

2009-12-20T00:46:00.000-08:00

P: Anlamig
N: sobra. huuug
P: Huuug. Merry ba xmas mo?
N: Ndi pa...sana? Malamig ang pasko ko...awww?
P: Awww ako din e! 5days nalang. Define shet.
N: Its sometimes intact, sometimes kalat. From warm it becomes cold. It leaves a lasting impression. Shet haha
P: Minsan kuntento, but may certain times na sasampalin ka, may kulang.
N: Masakit ang sampal, pero magugus2han mo ang sakit.
P: Para matauhan. pero minsan mas gusto ko umilag, at mabuhay na kunware kumpleto.
N: Kaso mas kumikirot ang puso bawat ngiti bawat tawa. Alam mo sa sarili mo na malungkot ka.
P: At alam mong sarili mo lang niloloko mo. Bawat tawa ay saksak sa sarili, pinapaalala yung wala na hanap mo.
N: Malamig nga ang pasko natin shet

I see lots of green and red
Combined with bright lights
Strangers filled with smiles
Kids singing yuletide carols

The cold wind blows
Couples holding hands
Warm embraces
with hope on their faces

Can you feel the love?
The beat of joy
Sparkle of hope
And the spirit of giving

I feel nothing
As I watch from a far
Somehow still wondering
What is truly missing?

Where is hope?
When you`re alone in the cold
How can you smile?
When all you want to do is cry

Maybe just missing the magic
For the gift is what we seek
Ignoring the beauty of it all
While forgetting the true meaning of Christmas

Take a look inside your heart
Stare at yourself in the mirror
In an instant
There`s a reason to smile

And it`s a merry Christmas after all :)
- P 12/20/09

Blame it on the cold wind, slow Christmas songs and coffee.
Screw emo nights! LOL

TickTock

2009-12-15T20:14:00.000-08:00

Andami daming kasabihan tungkol sa oras, bat kaya? Siguro nga ganun kahalaga yun para sa tao, kaya ganun na lang kasikat kaya laging bukambibig ng marami. Isa na dito yung sabi nila, use your time wisely. Wais nga ba kung kakagamit ng oras para iba`t ibang bagay ay wala ng oras para sa sarili? Pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi - marahil depende sa pagtingin mo at sa sitwasyon. Kadugtong nito ang kasabihang, Time is gold. Ginto = mahalaga, mahal. Kaya nga pag nagKTV, bayad niyo per hour mahal. O kaya naman pag nagstay sa hotel, bayad mo naman per day, mahal din. Mahal kapag sinusukat ang oras, kaya nagkakaroon ng halaga. Kaya rin may kasabihan sila na, kapag tinignan mo kung ano ang pinagaaksayahan ng oras niya ang isang tao - yun ang mahalaga para sa kanya. Tama nga naman. Mahalaga ang pag-aaral, kaya malaking porsyento ng oras ang binubuhos ng studyante dito, di lang sa school pero pati sa bahay. Idagdag mo pa ang mga extra curricular. Mahalaga ang trabaho, kasi ang bawat oras ay ginto - binabayaran. At kaya mas mahal naman ang overtime. Kaya siguro masasabing wais lamang ang wala ng matira sa sarili, kung ginagamit nga naman ang bawat oras sa isang araw para lang mapagbigyan lahat - e magaling ka! Yan ang mahusay sa time management! Pero patay ang katawan, pagod, puyat, gutom o pag malala na, sakit naman. Paano nga naman ang sarili? Ang isang araw na pinira-piraso para sa lahat, wala ng natitira. Siguro, yung mga butil at latak nalang. Yung tipong ilang minuto habang naliligo, na minsan kahati pa ng pagrereview o kaya naman patay pa ang diwa at di pa kaya mag-isip. O kaya naman yung isang oras na biyahe, na minsan hati rin dahil may kadaldalan na kasabay o kaya naman, ang makamandag na antok. Kung totoo na ang pinagaaksayahan ng oras sa bawat araw ang basehan ng kung ano ang mahalaga para sa isang tao, e di hindi niya binibigyang halaga ang sarili niya? O kung may halaga man, napakaliit na parang tira lang. Ito nanaman, pwedeng oo at pwedeng hindi. Bakit mo nga ba ginagawa ang lahat? Ang pag-aaral, pagttrabaho? Bat nga ba nag-bubuhos ng oras sa pamilya, kaibigan at org? Kasi dun nakikita yung halaga, dahil sila rin mismo ay nagbibigay ng oras nila, makakatangi ka ba? Para sa sarili din naman lahat, hindi ba? Ang oras na binibigay ng ina para kausapin ka at kamustahin, ay ginto rin para sa kanya. Imbis na siya`s nagpapahinga mula sa pagod sa trabaho, inaasikaso ka nya. Ang kaibigan na di pa nagaalmusal ay iintayin ka para lang may kasabay ka magtanghalian. Sabi nga nila, Time is the greatest gift. Laging doble ang bumabalik, dahil nakakatanggap ka ng pagpapahalaga mula sa kanila sa oras na binibigay nila sa`yo at sa saya na dulot nito.Kaya kahit madalas ay parang kulang ang bente quatro oras sa isang araw, ang pitong araw sa isang linggo, ang apat na linggo sa isang buwan at ang labing dalawang buwan sa isang taon - kung ang bawat segundo ay nagagamit mo sa tama at naibabahagi mo, lahat yun ay sulit. Mas pipiliin kong ibuhos ang bawat minuto para sa mga tao at bagay na mahal ko, dahil hinding hindi ka dapat magsisi kung ito`y nakapagpasaya sa`yo. :)

When I say I love You, it means Forever :)

2009-12-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

You opened the door

And let the sunshine in

My life will never be the same again

T`was exactly around this time last year when I shouted, when I said out loud that I love you. A new commitment, a love to last forever. I knew then that it was the beginning of something beautiful, I just didn`t know that it would have so much impact in my life.

Oh the joy that you brought to my life, I couldn`t find the right words to describe! I know that words will never be enough. I saw the world in a different way, like I was living in a brighter place. It was full of love, love that I never knew, love that I used to take for granted, love - the greatest gift. I wanted to stay that way, like floating, there was inner peace and happiness, real happiness. I received so much, I couldn`t wait to give it back.

Now that I have you
Everything just seems so right
Now that I have you I'm alive
You are the song that I'll be
Singing my whole life through
I'm living in a brighter world
Now that I have you

- Now that I have You, The Company :)

But even though I changed, the world can`t change in an instant. T`was a challenge, to live life facing everything I left behind once again. But I was with You, why should I be scared? You`ve taught me to disregard all doubts, to simply receive and accept whatever life brings and to TRUST. There`s no reason to give in to my fears.

And as expected, the world didn`t change. Oh it did change, it was even more cruel than before. No one said that it would be easy, they only said that it would be worth it. And yes, they` re right. As I put you in the center of everything, it all goes well. But trials keep on pulling me down, trying test whether I can fight for you. They keep on pushing me away, but you`re only pulling me closer each time.

With every fight, I look back and remember that day, think of what I`ve committed to and I fall in love with you over and over again. I treasure every hindrance along the way, because with every step I`m closer to the path that you`re leading me to. And I know that at the end of the road, you`ll meet me.

I know that in this battle, pain is the reminder of your love. I don`t mind the wounds and bruises along the way, you`ll heal them in time. I won`t stop fighting, it`s been a hard year but I`m still fighting for you until now. We`re growing strong, we can make it. Forever, I`m sure. :)

You`ve given me so much, though I am not worthy of anything. I can never thank you enough. But through my ways, let me repay you. Thank you for making me your instrument. It`s my pleasure to serve you. :)

I don`t mind if my world would lose the sun and the stars, I`d still live in a bright place. I have my light, my guide, my everything... I have You :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BFJ! :)

And for another great gift, my Days Family. Thankyou! :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, SEXY SEVENTY! :)

THANKYOU! :)

2009-12-09T06:25:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Paelo ;)

Welcome back, Nikki! :D

THANKYOU! :)

We`ve Only Just Begun :)

2009-12-06T06:04:00.000-08:00

Loving You has made my life complete

A taste of life that`s been so bittersweet

And I`m praying that we`ll always be this way

Sharing moments till tomorrow come what may

TOGETHER

I can`t thank You enough

This is the BEST gift ever!

And since I can`t find the right words to describe the way I feel right now, lemme sing :)

Nobody gonna love me better

I must stick with you forever.

Nobody gonna take me higher

I must stick with you.

You know how to appreciate me

I must stick with you, my baby.

Nobody ever made me feel this way

I must stick with you.

- Stick with You, PCD

I feel so high, like floating.

I can`t stop smiling.

Nothing beats the way You make me feel :)

I give you my word

I give you my heart

This is a battle we've won

And with this vow,

Forever has now begun...

- This I Promise You, Nsync

And now, I remain loyal to our vow.

It`s time to strengthen this bond.

Take me anywhere, as long as I`m with You.

I`m sure, I can do anything, everything.

I trust you with all my heart and soul

I`m yours, forever

Thy will be done :)

YES
I would ALWAYS say YES to YOU
ALWAYS:)

Her Touch

2009-12-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

It was when she tried to hold my hand but I refused.
She followed me, but I keep on trying to walk ahead.
She grabbed my arm to look at me, but I turned away.
She asked me, "are you okay?" I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't lie.
She embraced me, but I couldn't face her.
But she never gives up.
I tried to stare at the ceiling, attempting to hold back the tears.
But when I`ve finally seen her face, suddenly I can't remember my fears.
The touch of her hand is like magic, it made me forget all the bad memories.
The warmth of her embrace assured me that everything will be okay.
I tried to show her I'm strong, but she knows me too well that she can see through me.
The best part of it is that she loved me even though I'm weak.
And I know she's always there, no matter what.
Together, we'll face tomorrow with a smile.

I love you, Mama :)

I`m Yours :)

2009-12-02T19:52:00.001-08:00

I`ve been through a lot. The past few weeks were filled with so many ups and downs - I don`t know where you`re taking me, which path are you leading me to. But knowing that you`re there, believing that at the end of the road you`ll meet me - I just keep on moving forward. My head is spinning and my heart is restless, I feel like I`ll collapse any minute but my soul won`t give in. Because you keep me close to you, so close I can`t move without you. Each day I wake up, I search for you - listen to songs that remind me of you. With every decision I make, I always think of our commitment. I know that fighting for you is a constant struggle, but I wouldn`t want to live any other way. Because I know that I`ll find peace only in You, my heart could rest as long as it`s with You. Every empty feeling will be filled with what I`ve always longed for, only through Your will and grace. And tomorrow is another day, another chance to rekindle our love. It`s time once again to share this gift, the gift of knowing You and the greatest gift - Your love. Nothing beats this kind of feeling. You`re simply amazing, I`ll always be lucky you`ve chosen me to become your instrument. :)

And though my edges may be rough

And never feel I'm quite enough

It may not seem like very much

But I'm yours

- I`m Yours, The Script

Waiting in Vain

2009-12-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

Habang naglalakad mag-isa patungo sa kanyang building sa unibersidad, naglalaro ang kanyang isipan... Ito na lang marahil ang tanging panahon niya para 'mapag-isa' o ika nga ay 'alone time', ito lang ang oras na matatawag niyang pansarili lang talaga, at walang sabagal habang nilulunod ang sarili sa kanyang mga ideya at mga naiisip. Parang gusto niyang magbagal at patigilin ang oras, dahil sa dami ng kanyang ginagawa, wala ng oras para sa sarili. Ang natitirang oras ay napupunta sa tulog o kaya sa ibang tao, kaya ngayong may pagkakataon ay gusto niyang sulitin. Pero dahil nagmamadali kasi late na sa meeting, mabilis din ang takbo ng mga naglalaro sa kanyang isipan...

Sa kanyang pagmamadali para sa hinahabol na meeting naisip niya, 'bat ko nga ba ginagawa ito?' Lahat ng pagpapakapagod, lahat ng effort at oras na inuubos para saan?

Fulfilled naman ako... DIBA?

Hindi bat parang mali na biglang maging tanong ang huling nabanggit? Dapat nga naman ay may 'sense of fulfillment' sa lahat ng ginagawa, dahil para saan nga ba lahat kung walang halaga ito sayo? Masasabi naman niyang siya`y nafufulfill ng lahat, may kakaibang saya na naidudulot ang matapos ang lahat ng gawain ng maayos. Pero bakit parang may kulang?

At habang pinipilit niyang kumbinsihin ang sarili na "masaya ako, fulfilled ako" at paulit ulit niya itong iniisip (nagbabakasakaling sa ganitong paraan ay maniniwala siya at ito`y magkakatotoo), biglang may gumulat sa kanyang harapan. Biglaang kinalabutan pagkakita sa isang mahalagang bahagi ng kanyang nakaraan. Sa harapan ng kanyang building, naroon ang taong minsa`y naging dahilan ng 'fulfillment' na ngayo`y hanap niya.

"may IBA na nga pala siyang inaantay"

Umiwas siya at lumihis ng daan. Kahit na wala ng kirot, wala ng dalang pait, wala na talagang epekto, nung sandaling iyon, naramdaman niya lalo na may kulang. Dati-rati ay laging may halaga ang bawat gawin, kahit maliit na bagay lamang ang matapos ng maayos - dahil may nakikinig tuwing nagkkwento ka, may nagsasabing 'kaya mo yan!' at pagtapos ay sasabihin na 'proud ako sayo!'. Sa mga simpleng salita ay ramdam ang pagbibigay ng halaga, masasabi mong may nakakakita sa lahat ng effort at pagod na binubuhos mo. Dun palang, mayroon na nung 'fulfillment'. Sa ganitong paraan nga lang ba mahahanap ang sinasabing 'fulfillment'? Kung hindi lang sa paraan na ito, saan pa ba makukuha `to?

Ngayon, nag-aantay siya ng bagong mag-aantay sa kanya habang ang minsang nag-aantay sa kanya ay may inaantay ng iba. Ang fulfillment rin kaya ay darating? Kasabay kaya ito ng pagdating ng 'bagong mag-aantay' sa kanya?

SHEESH!

2009-11-29T11:01:00.000-08:00

If it's not about you, then stop acting like you know-it-all.

If you think the world revolves around you, think again. I'm sick and tired of you using my life to get attention. You`re no hero, stop acting like you`re saving lives when in fact, you`re ruining mine!

I`ve had it with you and your big mouth. I don`t know if your brain transferred to you mouth because you don`t even think before you speak. Know when to shut-up, because it`s hard to take back words once said.

If you want to know the right answers, ask the right person.

You should know who and what to believe. If you want answers, ask the person directly - stop being such a coward and face the truth. May be if you talk to the person concerned, you won`t get hurt for the wrong reasons.

I want a peaceful life. I really hate it when people speak too much without considering the other people involved. Damn it.

UGH. I hate this. :r

3-in-1

2009-11-29T07:40:00.000-08:00

1. KAPE

Mapait. Ang pait ng sinapit ko ngayong linggo. Sari-saring sama ng loob, sabay-sabay. Biglang bagsak ng trabaho, na sinabayan ng pagkawala ng mahalagang bagay sa buhay. Hindi maiwasang magbreakdown at ang luha`y di rin mapigil.

Pait sa pagharap sa katotohanang may mga bagay na sadyang hindi para sa`yo, at wala ng dahilan para umasa. Mali na sa umpisa pa lang, mas mali ang hinayaan lang ng di pinipigilan at lalong mali kapag tinuloy pa.

Pait sa patong-patong na kailangang gawin, ano nga ba ang dapat unahin? Ang biglang sabak sa mundong puno ng trabaho, mula sa petiks na buhay - madugo, nakakalito. Ano nga ba ang mahalaga sa`yo? Ano ang una sa listahan mo? Mahina nga ba kung di kaya pagsabay-sabayin? Tatakbuhan nalang ba ang hamon o makikilangoy sa mabilis na agos? At talagang mapait ang kinakaharap na mga tanong at hamon, ngunit mas mapait ang kahihinatnan kung wala akong gagawin.

At ang mapait na pagkawala ng bagay na kailangan at mahalaga. Magaling talaga si timing, kung kailan kailangang-kailangan, tsaka kukunin sa`yo. Minsan, wala pang tinitira.

2. Asukal

Matamis. Panunumbalik ng pag-ibig.

Pag-ibig sa pagsulat. May naibunga rin palang maganda ang katangahan at ako`y nakapagsulat muli ng tula. Masarap magbuhos ng damdamin gamit ang salita, nakakagaan ng loob ang maipahayag sa mundo ang hinanakit. Pero ang boses ko`y mahina, hindi NIYA kailanman maririnig. Subalit kahit ganon, pinili ko ito - kahit man lang sa tula, nasabi ko. ;)

Pag-ibig sa pagsasayaw. Walang makakatalo, ibang ligaya ang nabibigay sakin nito. Ang pagod, ang sakit, ang hirap, ang pagsubok, ang pag-aaral, ang mga bagong galaw - lahat ng pagdaan ay
sulit. ;)

Pag-ibig ng paligid. Ang pamilya, ang kaibigan, sa hirap man o ginhawa - laging nandiyan. Hindi yun tagline, hindi rin commercial. Hindi na kailangan ipagsigawan pa paulit-ulit sa mundo na 'andito lang ako', dahil hindi sila kailanman nawala. At lalong hindi ko na kailangan pang isa-isahin kung sino at ano ang nagawa nila, dahil simple lang... Isang tawag, isang text, isang buzz sa YM, isang psst... parang ambulansya na laging to the rescue.

Pag-ibig sa sarili. Sa tuwing mahuhulog, babagsak at mawawasak, walang ibang paraan kung hindi pulutin isa-isa ang mga nagkalat na bahagi at unti-unting buuin muli ang sarili. Mas nakikita ang mga bagay na nabalewala, at nabibigyang halaga ang mga bagay na nakalimutan - dito dahan-dahan man, ay mababawi ang pag-ibig na nawala, maghihilom ang mga natamong sugat at mararamdaman muli ang halaga bilang tao.

3. Creamer

Sa gitna ng lahat, may nag-iisang nagbalanse ng pait at tamis. Ang lasang minsa`y nababalewala at di napapansin, pero yun ang siyang nagbibigay nung 'tamang lasa' - dahil Siya lang rin ang laging tama sa buhay ko... ALAM NA :)

Piyesta ng Problema

2009-11-26T07:36:00.000-08:00

Gusto ko umiyak.

Hindi, mali. Scratch that.

Naiyak na pala ko.

Kahit anong pigil ko, kahit anong pilit kong maging 'strong', wala e.

At tumulo ang luha ng di ko namamalayan.

Anong dahilan?

Pagod? Sama ng loob? Stress? Pressure?

O, All of the above?

Ang bigat! Oo, pare.. heavy!

At talagang pinagpala dahil pinagsabay sabay lahat.

Parang piyesta ng problema, sari-sari.

Dahilan ba `to para magdiwang?

SANA.

Pero di ako nagrereklamo, wala akong karapatan.

Kasi tanggap lang dapat ng tanggap, dapat magpasalamat.

Hindi ibibigay sayo kung di mo kaya.

Ibig sabihin lang, KAYA MO, kaya binibigay ang pagsubok sayo.

Magiging matatag ako.

Kaya ko to.

Pinili ko to, ginusto ko to, paninidigan ko.

Locked.

2009-11-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

Searching for a place

Dreaming of the best

Seeking a new face

Different from the rest

I found all ever wanted in you

The one I always wished for

I dream, night and day

And your face is all see

Breaking the barriers

To open your heart

Will you let me in?

Or will you close your door?

I'll keep knocking

Waiting for your call

Seeing you through your window

Keeps me holding on

You've built too many walls

Your heart won't let me through

I push my luck

But the door is locked

My hands are numb
And you never called
You covered your windows
There's nothing left to hold on to

It's pointless to stay

But I chose to wait

In front of your doorstep

I fight for your heart's sake

As I walk away

I stare at your door

Somehow still hoping

You'll change your mind and see me

But you never did
And maybe you never will
Though it pains to leave
I guess there's no other way

Facing a new path, searching once more

Maybe there's someone out there

Ready to welcome me

Finally I can say, I'm home

- P (11/24/09)

2009-11-23T08:09:00.000-08:00

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find

You and I collide

- Collide, Howie Day

You can run, you can hide. You can try and bury it all inside. But at the end of the day, everything will haunt you even before you sleep. And time will come when you just can't fool yourself anymore.

KA:)

2009-11-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

Sa araw-araw, masarap ang pakiramdam ng may mga taong kasama. Kagaapay, ka-tropa, ka-happy happy, ka-jamming, kasabay, kapit-bahay, ka-lakwatsa. Lahat na ng 'KA'. Pero paano mo nasasabi na 'KAIBIGAN'. Ang hirap sagutin, pero madali lang talaga. Ang gulo, pero simple lang. HUH?! May mga bagay na sadyang nagpapakomplikado sa salitang yan. Bakit? Kasi may basehan. Kaibigan kita kasi ganito, ganyan. "ay, di ko naman kaibigan yun, kasama ko lang sa dorm...", pero ang tingin sakanya ng kasama niya sa dorm ay kaibigan. Gulo diba? Meron din kasing kakakilala pa lang, kaibigan na agad. Sabi nga kasi ng iba, di naman nasusukat ang pagkakaibigan sa tagal ng pagkakakilala. Pwede nga namang kilala mo na simula nung matuto ka magsulat, pero dinedeadma mo lang - edi hindi nga kaibigan yun. Iba't ibang basehan, dahilan, at kung anu-ano pa.

Basta ang alam ko, pag kaibigan, mahalaga. Kasi dapat pinapahalagahan, at ramdam mong binibigyan ka rin ng halaga.

Masaya ang araw na `to. Pero bakit ang lungkot ko?

Kasi kaibigan ako.

Isang araw na itinadhana na wala kaming gagawin, parang sinadya na para lang talaga sa aming barkada ang araw na ito. Nageffort ako gumising ng mas maaga para makarating ng paaralan ng on time dahil may usapan ang barkada, gagawa ng surprise para sa kaibigang may kaarawan. Nakaugalian na namin ito, at dahil ang laging may pasimuno sa ganitong gimik ang magdidiwang - marapat lang na pageffortan. Pero dahil sa motorcade, ayun, napakatindi ng traffic. Ang aga aga, ang init - babad ang jeep sa mataas na sikat ng araw, at dahil sa di pag-andar ng maraming sasakyan, walang hingin. Parang nasayang ang ligo, tapos nalate ka pa sa usapan. Wow, pare! Pero nataon na marami rami kaming ganun din ang sinapit sa kahabaan ng Espanya. Gahol sa oras, pero tuloy parin! At ang mismong surprise ay di biro, kahihiyan nga naman ang nakasalalay sa pagbuo nito. Habang ginagawa ito, "pagmamahal ang tawag dito" yun na lang ang nasabi namin.

Napakagaling at di nagturo ang propesor, ang tatlong oras na klase ay naging sampung minuto. Ayun, tambay mode. Kay saya naman talaga at andaming nabiktima ng aming pangttrip! Minsan talaga lumalabas ang pagkapilya at mga topak namin, malas ng paligid! :)) Pag balik para sa susunod na klase, ay liban ang propesor! Magaling, magaling! Pumasok pa kami no? Pero di parin kami napauwi, may iniwang gawain. Napagdesisyunang ituloy ang dati pang planong pagnood ng sine. Kapag biglaan talaga, lahat sasama. Ang saya saya! Subalit, BIGO. Mas mahaba pa sa pila sa grocery kapag pasko, kala mo may libreng isang milyon pag pumila ka sa sinehan! Nung pinaplano kasi, walang interesado, pero nung biglaang yayaan - lahat gusto! Malupet ang tadhana, at talagang para sa isa`t isa ang araw na ito. Naghapunan na lang kami kasama ang mga bituin at magagandang tanawin. Asaran, sari saring kwentuhan, kodakan. Talagang nakakamiss ang barkada. Matagal tagal na rin kasing di nagkakasama ng walang iniintindi, masyado kaming pinaglayo ng malulupit na requirements. Tama nga sila, sagabal ang pagaaral sa social life at sa happy happy! :))

Pagkatapos ng sangkatutak na beso beso at pagpapaalam, wala akong ibang magawa kung hindi magbuntong hininga. Sa isang taong samahan, kay raming nagbago pero lalong tumitibay. Oo, parehong mga tao pero tumatanda na nga talaga at iba na ang pinaguusapan. May talakayan tungkol sa hinaharap, kanya kanyang pangarap. May matinding pagtawa sa pagbalik sa nakaraan. At may pag-iyak sa bawat hirap ng isa, na ramdam na ramdam ang bigat sa loob ng lahat. Hindi nabura ng panandaliang paglimot at pagpili sa pagiging masaya ang mga problemang dala ng bawat isa. Oo ang saya tumawa, mantrip, kumanta, maglaro, kumain, dumaldal, magpalipas ng oras na parang walang bukas. Pero pagkatapos non, ano na?

Masakit makakita ng kaibigang malungkot, may problema. Parang doble ang bigat na ramdam mo. Pero tuwing sabay niyong tatawanan ang lahat, na kahit na parang baliw at walang pake - ang laking gaan sa kalooban. Dahil iba kapag may KAIBIGAN, na kinuha na lahat ng pwedeng maging 'KA' sa buhay mo. KAramay, KApatid, KAsama. May rason para ngumiti, dahil alam niyo pareho na may dalawang puso, na magkasama, na sabay mag-aabang sa muling pagsikat ng araw. Yan ang KAibigan. :)

iLoveBNL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CLASSY Bitch KArla! ILY :-*

2009-11-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

There's something `bout your love

That makes me weak

And knocks me off my feet :">

- Stevie Wonder, Knocks Me Off My Feet :)

WAKE UP CALL

2009-11-16T04:08:00.000-08:00

Salamat, FB!

Napakagandang pambungad sa umaga. At talagang natawa ako dahil tila nagpaparinig na rin ang paligid. *sampal* Oo, alam ko, alam ko na ang dapat gawin. Hwag niyo na ipamukha pa. Hahaha :p

At talaga namang napakagaling ni Lord. Kung anong hinihingi mo, binibigay niya. Marahil di lahat sasang-ayon dito. Kasi hindi naman talaga lahat ng hilingin, ibibigay agad or binibigay. Pero naniniwala ako na napakagaling Niya, ibibigay niya sa`yo ang dapat, ang tama. Hindi lahat ng hinihingi ay tama para sa`yo, o kaya naman hindi ibibigay agad dahil hindi mo pa kailangan.

Ngayon, ibinigay Niya sakin ang hiningi ko. Ito ang paraan Niya. Hindi ito madali, may takot pa rin ako. At parang may biglang bigat sa loob sa biglaang pag sabay sabay na salubong sa lahat. Pero naniniwala akong kaya ko, dahil hindi niya ibibigay sakin 'to kung hindi. Isa nanamang dahilan upang magpasalamat. ;)

May isa nanamang naituro Siya sakin. Panahong pang-pamilya, hindi kailanman mapapantayan. :)

SALAMAT!

P 2008 Ver.

2009-11-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

Description: Stone-hearted, self-centered, weight conscious, dance addict, bitch.

Motto: "Love Yourself"

Theme Song: I Don't Need A Man - PCD

Watch out, world! P 2008 Ver is back :)

Hard Candy with a Surprise Center! :D

2009-11-14T22:36:00.001-08:00

Katy Perry Rocks for Relief

Special Guests:

MAE

Jed Madela

Arnel Pineda

MOA Concert Grounds (VIP)

NOV. 14, 2009. Saturday

8PM

2009-11-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard,

No song that I could sing

But I can try for your heart,

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,

Like a shoebox of photographs,

With sepiatone loving,

Love is the answer

At least for most of the questions in my heart,

Like why are we here?

And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy,

And sometimes life can be deceiving,

I'll tell you one thing,

it's always better when we're together

:">

- Jack Johnson, Better Together

As I stare at your shoulder

Can you hear my heart whisper?

I love being around you

Oh how I wish we'll stay this way

OH JOY :)

2009-11-07T23:58:00.000-08:00

Suddenly the world seem such a perfect place :)

TIMEOUT

2009-11-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

SEMBREAK. Supposed to be 'break' from all the school sht and drama. Well, this year.. ugh, guess not. I haven't had any decent rest, to think that the past semester was pure torture. And now I feel like my body's about to breakdown... Geez. I guess, I've been trying so hard to do so much, that I forgot to do something important.. REST. Now, sembreak's almost over and I can't get sick, oh please! I miss my ALONE TIME. I feel so restless. My mind and body, both weak. I don't know what to do, but today... I'll just stay at home and rest. Damn colds. I hope DVDs would help. Tata!

BitchLove:)

2009-11-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BITCHES!

ILOVEYOU:)

Fruits of Labor :)

2009-11-01T01:01:00.000-07:00

First time.

HAPPINESS. :)

Boto para sa Pagbabago

2009-10-31T01:14:00.000-07:00

Matapos ang LABING-DALAWANG ORAS ng pagtayo, pagpila, pag-iintay, tulukan, ulan, gutom, gulo, init ng ulo... AKO`Y ISA NG GANAP NA BOTANTE.

Marahil kasalanan ko rin kaya ako nagdusa ng ganun katagal dahil binigyan ako ng halos isang taon para magparehistro ng walang kahirap-hirap, pero di ko ginawa. Lagi ko ngang sagot, "Busy ako eh". Huli na ng maisip ko na mali yon. Isa pang kasalanan ay ang katamaran ko talaga sa pagpunta. Kung hindi lang dahil sa magulang ko, hindi ko na siguro tinuloy ang pagpaparehistro dahil mas pipiliin ko matulog o manood ng dvd. Hindi naman talaga ako makabayan, hindi rin ako aktibo, pero mahal ko naman ang Pilipinas. Sa unang pagkakataon sa buhay ko naipakita ko yung sinasabing, 'pagmamahal sa bayan'. Dahil hindi ako sumuko, sa init, sa ulan, sa posibleng kaguluhan, sa pagod, sa hirap, para lang sa ISANG BOTO.

Habang nasa pila, sari-saring kwento, kanya-kanyang dahilan bakit ngayon lang nagparehistro, anong oras dumating, anong requirements ang dala. Pero habang dumidilim at lumalamig ang hangin, umiinit naman ang ulo ng mga tao. Pinauwi na ang iba, habang ang mga nanatili naman ay pinaasa. Biglang binago ang sistema ng hindi sinasabi sa lahat, naging magulo at hindi makatarungan ito. Kinukuha na agad ang ID ng iba at tatawagin nalang, paano naman ang mga nakapila? Hindi na umusad. Umaalma ang marami.

Isa pang dahilan, may isang artistang dumating. May dala lang itong isang kahon ng pagkain, ayun... PASOK AGAD! Sabi nga ng mga nagkekwentong bakla, "Jollibee lang pala kailangan nila, eh di sana nagdala rin ako para mabilis din akong natapos!" "Cheap ha, Jollibee lang. Eh kung dalhan ko sila ng YELLOW BOX" sagot ng isang bakla, "Yellow Cab kasi, girl!". BENTA LANG! :)) Nakakatawa pero sadyang nakakainit talaga ng ulo. Hanggang sa nagparamdam na si Bagyong Santi at maraming walang payong. Nagkagulo ang mga tao at nagsara ng pinto ang Comelec. Galit na galit ang lahat, tinutulak ang pinto. Walang opisyal na makalabas para harapin ang galit ng tao, walang makapagpaliwanag ng maayos. Nang lumabas sila, may isang magpaparehistro na kumukuha ng litrato, at galit na galit ang taga-Comelec dito. Nagbabadya ng gulo. Lumakas pa lalo ang ulan at ang marami'y walang masilungan. Tapos wala pang kasiguraduhan kung makakarehistro sa araw na iyon dala ng pagkakahalo-halo na ng mga form ng mga tao na ang iba'y 4am palang nakapila na, o kaya naman nung isang araw pa. Nagsisigawan na, at pinipilit ng mga tao na itulak ang glass door. Sa ingay at sabay-sabay na reklamo, hindi magkaintindihan. Dumating ang mga pulis, marahil nakaramdam ng posibleng kaguluhan at stampede. Matapos ang ilang oras na ganito, sa wakas, nagkapuso ang mga tao sa Comelec at pinapasok ang lahat sa maganda at bagong building ng City Hall. Pila pa rin, walang humpay na paghihintay, at swertihan kung matatawag.

Mag-aalas onse ng gabi, parang himala na natawag ang pangalan ko. Bawat matawag ay parang nananalo sa lotto, naghihiyawan ang mga tao. At bago mag-alas dose ng madaling araw, parang presong bagong laya. NAKATAPOS RIN AKO, NAKALABAS NG CITY HALL DISTRICT 4 BOOTH NA ISA NG GANAP NA BOTANTE.

Naglalaban sa utak ko ang damdaming makabayan at ang paniniwalang wala rin namang patutunguhan ang aking boto. Ano nga ba ang mas matimbang? Ang hirap. Siguro dahil narin sa nasaksihan kong magulo at maruming sistema, ASAN ANG PAGBABAGO? Madali parin madaan sa simpleng "lagay" "bigay" ang gobyerno. Ang sakit isipin na kahit na automated na nga ang proseso, hindi naman umaasenso pagdating sa malinis na kalakaran. Isang bahagi sakin ang tinatamad at nawawalan ng gana dahil ano nga ba ang mababago ng isang boto ko. ISA. Pero sabi nga sa tv, kung gusto mo ng pagbabago dapat sayo magsimula. "AKO ANG SIMULA". SANA NGA. Ang sakripisyo ko para sa bayan, ang minsang pagpapakita ng pagmahahal sa Pilipinas, nawa'y may patunguhan.

Dream Boy :)

2009-10-30T23:52:00.000-07:00

I'll get through you someday.
And I'll get by each night, with thoughts of you before I sleep.
I know every dream will come true soon.
Just believe.

It's been three nights, yet you still haunt me in my dreams. Oh how I wish they would all come true, I'd do anything to sleep forever. :">
Oh but you still pop in my head during the day, there's no escaping you. :">

And I can't get you out of my dreams

Now I know that you're the dangerous kind

And your smile is tattooed on my mind

And I can't get you out of my dreams

- Tattoed on my mind, D`Sound

NO DEAL

2009-10-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Comments, suggestions, violent reactions are accepted and appreciated.
Just make sure that you're credible enough to release such statement. And that you have evidence to prove your point.

Don't act like some know-it-all jerk, when in fact, you even admitted that you're a bit stupid. Oh my, too harsh? Can you blame me? I'm trying not be mean but you started this. There's no room for rude and arrogant people in my life, I had my fair share of assholes already. May I just add that, YOU KNOW NOTHING. So, what makes you think that you have the right to judge me? I don't need your opinion, honey. (As if it matters, I bet no one cares)

I'm not perfect, and I'm not saying that I'm pretty, great and all that shit. But who I am, what I do, what I wear, the way I speak and act - none of your business. FUCK OFF.

Package deal my ass, who cares about what you think?

I can't believe I'm even writing about this. Anything related to you is just a waste of my precious time. You should be thankful that I'm polite enough to reply to your messages. WHOOPS. Oh, I guess you don't know that. My bad. Ohwell. I really shouldn't make a big deal out of this coz it's definitely not worth it. I won't let you ruin my day. Sheesh. Let this post serve as a disclaimer. Thanks a lot!

- P

How would want me?

2009-10-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

There you are with your perfect way

You've got this little shine in your eyes

To hear one word would make my day

But there's no room for me in your life

You've got me down on my knees

And in my mind i can see

How perfect everything could be

But you won't give us a try

But if i could change your mind

How would you want me

Would you say you need me

'cause i need you now

I try to move on but your perfect way

Has got a little child asking why

But this world keeps spinning

As my heart stops beating

Is there still no room inside?

-Change your mind, Boyce Avenue

:">

2009-10-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

I take one step away,

and I find myself coming back to You.

Bubbly:)

2009-10-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

You make me smile, please stay for a while now :)

I really can't explain this feeling. I don't why, how, where it started, but I'm just happy. There's this strange feeling inside, I can't figure it out. And I just stop once in a while and then I couldn't help but smile. :)
Weird, weird, weird. Ohwell, I hope this would last. :)

Beautiful Stranger

2009-10-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Don't talk to strangers, it's dangerous.

Funny how this little warning that all the grown-ups used to say way back when I was a kid could still be applied in my present. I didn't realize that I should've listened and continued to practice the whole 'not talking to unknown people' thing. Oh well. I opened my door and let new people in my life, I can't lock myself forever, right? I thought I was old and wise enought to handle it. Although my door is open for almost everyone, I choose who I keep. I guess, that's just fair? Because strangers come and go, just when you're about to get attached, they suddenly move away. How disappointing. Spending time, getting to know each other, sharing thoughts, building foundations and trust through friendship, when all goes well... *poof* That person suddenly vanishes. Great, just great. Truly, it's dangerous, because its heartbreaking. What's more depressing is the fact that those who get close to your heart are the ones who always leave. After everything you've been through, there's nothing you can do to make them stay. Now tell me, is it safe to trust a stranger?

If I fell in love with you

Would you promise to be true

And help me understand

'cause I've been in love before

And I found that love was more

Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you

I must be sure

From the very start

That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you oh please

Don't run and hide

If I love you too oh please

Don't hurt my pride like her

`cause I couldn't stand the pain

And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I

Would love to love you

And that she will cry

When she learns we are two

If I fell in love with you

- The Beatles, If I Fell :)

Oh please!

2009-10-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

They slither while they pass

They slip away across the universe

Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind

Possessing and caressing me

Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes

That call me on and on across the universe

Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box

they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

Nothing's gonna change my world

- Jim Sturgess, Across the Universe

Okay, I'm speechless. Darn. Inlalalalooove! :X I watched Across the Universe instead of studying for Spanish finals. Greaaat, eh?! Haha Ohwell, I'll study later.. maybe? LAST FREAKIN' DAY! OHJOOOY :D

PS: I want my own Jude. Oh please, oh please! :X

JIM STURGESS IS LOVE! :">

Over and Over Again

2009-10-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

Just call me
Pull me close
And I know, I'll be fine.
Together, we'll shine.
You never fail to make my day.

YES

always and forever

THANK YOU :)

Unfaithful

2009-10-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

Marahil ngayon nagtataka ka bakit ganyan yung title at napapaisip, kanino kaya siya nagtaksil? Bakit niya nagawa? Paano? Sige, isipin niyo na gusto niyong isipin, pero walang sagot sa bawat tanong niyo. Sorry nalang, sisihin niyo si Rihanna. Naguguluhan ka na ba? Puwes, ito na ang paglilinaw. :))

Kasalukuyan akong pinapasaya ni Rihanna, bawat sigaw niya ng "I don't wanna do this anymore" sa kanta niyang Unfaithful. Ang sarap lang, kasi parang nilalabas niya rin lahat ng hinagpis ko ngayon. Pero wag kayong mag-aalala, wala akong pinagtaksilan, at lalong hindi ako "murderer" kagaya niya sa kanta.

Oo, parang ayoko na gawin lahat ng 'to.. yata?

Hindi rin ako nagrereklamo, sadyang pagod lang siguro. Kaya di ko maiwasang maisipan na basta nalang bumitaw. Parang gusto mo lang kumawala, takbuhan lahat na parang walang pake. Wow, kung pwede lang. Wala kasing tigil man lang, walang pahinga, wala ng natira. Pero kahit ayoko na gawin, tuloy pa rin. Kasi pinili ko 'to, papanindigan ko. Wala kong pagsisi, wala rin akong sinisisi. Hindi ko basta nalang bibitawan dahil lang nahihirapan ako, mahal ko e. Mahal ko yung buhay na pinili ko, gusto ko yung ginagawa ko. Pero nung pinili ko 'to, hindi ko nakita yung hirap na pagdaraanan, hindi ko naisip na hindi basta basta makukuha lahat. Ganun naman lahat ng umpisa diba? Akala mo madali lang, akala mo pwedeng petiks, akala mo.. Akala mo lang. Pero wala eh, andito na, 3/4 nako ng laban - bibitaw pa ba? Sayang naman lahat kung itatapon mo lang rin diba? Ano ka, duwag? Walang paninidigan? Susuko nalang pag nahirapan na? Isusuka pag napaso?

Walang mararating kung laging titigil kapag nahihirapan ng sumabay sa agos. Ang buhay hindi parang swimming pool na stagnant, para itong dagat, patuloy ang agos sa iba't iba pang anyo ng tubig. Pwede kang dalhin sa mas malawak o kaya naman sa mas makipot, pero kahit saan ka pa dalhin, hindi ito titigil para intayin ka. Kung wala kang gagawin, lulubog ka nalang at maiiwan sa ilalim. Hindi lang ikaw ang nakikipagsapalaran sa pagsabay sa agos, ang malawak na dagat ay puno ng sari-saring kwento ng pakikipaglaban para makarating sa paparoonan.

Hindi ako titigil, onting onti na lang, sigurado akong kaya ko pa. Pero ngayon, hiling ko lang, sana may salbabida na makakapitan man lang.

Where are you?

2009-10-10T04:53:00.000-07:00

It feels great knowing that someone cares enough to worry whenever you're not yet home, to scold you when you don't eat on time or to get mad whenever you're drunk. It's comforting, knowing that at the end of a stressful day you have someone waiting for you, ever willing to listen to the same old rants and stories and just by being there, that someone can take all the pain away. And it's good to know that you're never alone, that there's a hand to hold while crossing the street, that there's a shoulder to cry on while watching a drama movie, that there's someone to laugh with over silly jokes, that there's someone to share every meal of the day with and that there's someone there to run to and hold you whenever you're down.

'Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest
Till you

Hold me
Mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
I'm on my way back home

Single-sickness! Attacking again. *argh*

2009-10-08T04:44:00.000-07:00

ONE SMILE, THEN I DIED.

ONLY TO BE REVIVED BY YOU. :)

ALMOST

2009-10-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

"Ayoko sa lahat yung araw-arawin ka tas biglang mang-iiwan"

Yan ang mga linyang binitawan ni Macy habang kausap si Dino sa cellphone.

Maaaring naglalaro ang tadhana, o pwede rin na nagkataon lang, pero pinagtagpo ang dalawang nilalang na sobrang magkatulad. Dahil sa isang organisasyong pareho silang kasali, nagkakilala si Macy at Dino. Isang gabi na may pulong, nagkatabi ang dalawa, nagkakwentuhan, onting asaran *BOOM*. Parang kasing bilis ng snapshot ng isang camera, nag-'click' ang dalawa kahit na nanggaling sa magkaibang uri ng mundo, at hindi magka-edad. Sa pag-usad ng panahon, dumadalas ang minsan - ang minsang pagkikita, minsang pag-uusap. Ang minsan ay naging araw-araw, gabi-gabi. Dahil sa daming pagkakatulad ng dalawa, mabilis silang naging close, madaling nagkakaintindihan sa mga bagay-bagay. Pareho ang mga hilig, mula sa pag-papahayag ng emosyon gamit ang bibig (sa madaling masalita, DALDAL) hanggang sa paggamit ng galaw ng katawan o PAGSAYAW (wag madumi ang utak *LOL). Sa umpisa, pa-text text sila, hanggang sa tawag na inaabot ng umaga. Malapit na tumilaok ang manok, magkausap parin ang dalawa. Pagkagising ay ganoon parin, minsan nama'y sabay pang naglalaro sa internet tapos magkachat pa. Adik na ba ang tawag doon? Pwede! Lumipas ang mga araw at ganoon parin ang tratuhan nila, unti-unting natakot si Macy.

Maraming tanong ang naglalaro sa kanyang isip.. "Paano kung bukas, mawala din siya kagaya ng iba?", "Paano kung di naman niya ko gusto, at sadyang mabait lang siya?". Kasing dami ng tanong ang mga takot ni Macy. Takot na maiwang muli, takot na masaktan, takot na mabigo, magtiwala, mapahiya at magmahal. Sa pagtagal, nagkakatotoo ang mga kinakatakutan ni Macy. Lalo niyang nakikilala, lalo din nahuhulog ang kanyang loob kay Dino, mas lalo niyang hinahanap ang boses nito, ang pag-aalala nito, ang mga kwentong kahit paulit-ulit eh parang drugs na nakakapag-pahigh sa kanya. Ang bawat araw ay hindi kumpleto hanggat walang text man lang, nag-uumpisa narin siyang mag-alala tuwing walang paramdam. Hala, hala.. di na 'to tama. Dala ng takot, dahan-dahang lumayo si Macy.

Masakit para kay Macy ang iparamdam kay Dino na ayaw niya itong makausap, ang bawat pag-reject ng tawag ay para siyang tinuturukan - at ang bawat turok ay pampamanhid. Hindi ito ginusto, pero dahil wala namang kasiguraduhan ang bukas para sakanila, ito ang pinili ni Macy. Nilunod ang sarili sa trabaho para makalimot, at magaling talaga si Lord dahil lalo siyang binuhusan ng dapat gawin. Pero kahit ganun, kahit anong pagod or hirap, alam ni Macy na isang tawag lang ang makakapagpaayos ng lahat. Ngunit nakaramdam rin si Dino, at unti-unti rin nitong nilayuan si Macy.

Isang gabi ng pagwawala, parang isang hayop na matagal ng nakakulong eh inilabas niya ang lahat ng galit sa mundo. Si Macy na di naman talaga uminom, ayun.. LASING. Sa lahat ng problemang nagpatong-patong, isang gabi ng pagtakbo sa lahat ang kailangan niya. Pero kahit di na niya alam ang kanyang ginawa at wala ng control, boses parin ni Dino ang hanap niya. "Gusto ko siyang tawagan", sabi ni Macy. "Ano naman sasabihin mo?", tanong ng kaibigan. "Wala, gusto ko lang", "Tarantado siya, bat siya nawala". ALAM NA.

Walang naidulot na maganda sa paligid niya ang ginawang pag-inom, pero kahit na humingi ng tawad si Macy sa mga naperwisyo, di siya lubusang nagsisisi. Alam niya sa kanyang sarili na kahit isang gabi lang, natakasan niya ang pasakit ng mundo. Pero alam rin niya na walang naayos na problema ang ginawa niya, wala paring kawala sa lahat ng gusto niyang kalimutan. Hindi na ulit sinubukan ni Macy "tumakas", hinarap na lang niya ang bawat araw na wala ng Dino.

Isang activity sa organisasyon nila ang naging dahilan ng pagkikita muli ng dalawa. Hindi alam ni Macy kung paano haharapin si Dino, hindi rin niya maintindihan kung saan nanggaling ang poot at sama ng loob na nararamdaman niya para dito kaya madalas niya itong iwasan sa tatlong araw na pagsasama.

Ilang araw matapos ng pagkikita, tumawag muli si Dino kay Macy. Tuwa, inis, gulat, pagtataka - halo-halong emosyon ang naramdaman niya nang makita ang pangalang Dino na tumatawag sa cellphone niya. Sinagot naman ni Macy ang tawag, at normal ang silang nag-usap. "Kamusta?", tanong ni Macy. "Ito, masaya", sagot ni Dino. "Wow! Bakit naman?", may halong gulat na tanong ni Macy. "Kasi may gusto akong tao.. Kakilala mo". At nang marinig ang mga salitang iyon, parang gustong manapak ni Macy, gusto niyang ibaba nalang ang telepono pero di niya magawa. Nagawa pa niyang magpakwento kay Dino, o diba angaling? Pwedeng artista!

Kinabukasan, tumawag muli si Dino. Casual na kwentuhan, tila naghahanap pa ng ikasasama ng loob si Macy at patuloy na nagtanong tungkol sa bagong gusto ni Dino. "Kailan nagumpisa?" tanong niya. "Nung wala ka.." sagot ni Dino. Parang sinampal lang si Macy, wow heavy!

Kinagabihan ng parehong araw, nagtext si Dino, "May kailangan akong sabihin". Hindi mapakali si Macy. Hindi niya kinayang marinig ang boses nito sa telepono, kaya salamat sa internet at dito niya ito kinausap. Ang mga bagay na noo'y inaasam malaman ay lumabas na. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam, pero bakit hindi magawang magsaya ni Macy? Dahil huli na ang lahat.

"Gusto kita noon. Parang adik lang, pero totoo."
"I feel the same way"

Para ngang adik no? Ba't ngayon pa? Di ba may bago ka na?
Lalong nalito ang magulong utak ni Macy. Gustuhin man niya sabihin na, "Oh ayos, tayo na?" ay hindi maaari. Bakit? Dahil nakalipas na, nasanay na rin naman na wala, paano nga naman itutuloy? Paano nga naman ipipilit kung may bago ng laman ang puso niya?

Magulo na nga ang sariling utak, kaya ayaw niyang guluhin din ang utak ni Dino, ayaw ng idamay pa. Kaya natapos ang gabi ng pagbubunyag sa mga salitang, "We'll always be friends". At nagpahinga na ang mga puso at isip. Closure na ba 'yon? Pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi... Pero hindi doon nagtatapos ang kwento.

"Back to normal" ang takbo ng buhay, parang walang nangyari kung magtratuhan. Magtetext si Dino, mangangamusta, paminsan ay tatawag pa. Sumasagot naman si Macy, di lang kaya sumagot ng tawag. Bakit? Alam na.. Walang malay si Macy sa nilalaman ng isip ni Dino, tungkol sa mga balak nito, kung ano ang mangyayari pagkatapos ng nangyaring kumpisalan, hanggang sa...

Sa lumapit si Dino... Problemado, tuliro, malungkot. At dahil "we'll always be friends" ang drama nila, ginampanan ni Macy ang tungkulin niya bilang kaibigan at kinausap ito. Ang sari-saring problema ni Dino, nalaman ni Macy pero di niya inakala na pati ang problema sa bagong pag-ibig eh ipapaalam din sa kanya. Pero dahil nga kaibigan siya, "Go lang, okay lang, share ka lang", walang preno, walang pause, walang red light. Kaya walang hinto rin ang sakit, walang tigil ang sama ng loob at naka-green light sa pagbuhos ng luha.

Posible bang ganun kadaling kalimutan ang lahat? Ang mabuhay ng parang walang nangyari? Parang walang masakit na nakaraan? Oo, posible... Pero ganun kabilis? Wow, ano yun, magic?

Masyadong casual, masyadong normal, na napapaisip si Macy kung totoo bang may naramdaman sa kanya noon si Dino. Masama mang i-question ang feelings ng isang tao, pero parang hindi niya maiwasan dahil sa naging pagtrato sa kanya nito. Tinanggap lang ni Macy ang lahat, pero alam ng Diyos ang hirap na dinanas niya. Ayaw niyang ipalaam na siya'y nasasaktan, pakiramdam niya mukha siyang mahina. Pride nga naman. Gustong gusto na niya kantahan ng "I don't wanna be your friend", pero di niya magawa. Kaya nagpatuloy lang rin ang pasakit ng mundo.

Isang pangyayaring nasaksihan niya ang naging dahilan ng pagtatapos, SAGAD NA. Mula noon ay naging manhid na siya sa lahat ng nakikita at naririnig. Ngunit dahil sa isa nanamang activity ng organisasyon ay pinagtagpo muli ang dalawa. Sa isang kwartong Diyos lamang ang saksi, sinambit ni Dino ang isang salitang tuluyang nagpalaya kay Macy. "SORRY". Lumabas si Dino ng kwarto at bumuhos ang luha ni Macy. Oo, breakdown nanaman, pero yun na ang huli. Sa wakas, parang huling turok at tuluyan ng nawala ang sakit.

Ilang araw ang makalipas at "back to normal" na ang dalawa. Ngayon, pareho na silang normal, wala ng isang palihim na nasasaktan. Magaan na ang pakiramdam ni Macy, talagang namiss niya ang kwentuhan, ang mga banat, ang lahat lahat - ang buhay na may Dino. Akala niya'y tuloy-tuloy na ang tahimik na buhay, pero isang gabi, nagtanong si Dino. Ang tanong ang naging hudyat ng panunumbalik ng lahat ng sakit, pero ito rin ang paraan para mapagBabago si Dino. Sinabi ni Macy lahat ng sama ng loob, lahat ng pagkakataong nasaktan siya - ibang klaseng sarap, ang laking pasan ang nawala. "Tumatak sakin nung sinabi mong, 'ayoko sa lahat yung nang-iiwan', kaya di ako lumayo", sagot ni Dino. Pero ayon nga kay Macy, hindi lahat madaling makalimot, hindi lahat mabilis magmove -on. Nagkaintindihan naman na ang dalawa, nagkapatawaran at mula noo'y maayos na talaga sila.

Seryosong "back to normal", totoong 'normal', wala ng tinatago, wala ng sakit, wala. Masayang isipin na matapos ang lahat, buhay parin ang pagkakaibigan. Pero di maiwasang isipin ang panghihinayang..

"Andun na tayo, pareho ng nararamdaman para sa isa't isa, masaya na SANA, nawala pa..."

Hawak mo na, nawala pa. Na sa'yo na, pinakawalan mo pa. Sadyang mapaglaro siguro ang tadhana, hindi pinagtatagpo sa panahong pareho kayo ng nararamdaman. Nananadya kaya ito? May pinapahiwatig ba? Anong dahilan bakit ganito? Mananatiling palaisipan ang naudlot na bukas. Pero isang bagay ang sigurado, para kay Dino at Macy, wala ng iwanan. :)

"PARA"

2009-10-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

Kanina, kasama ang isang kaibigan ay nag-aabang kami ng masasakyang FX na SM Fairview ang punta. Mainit, malagkit ang pakiramdam sa ilalim ng araw, nakakabadtrip. Pero dahil may kasama, eh ayos lang kahit papaano (may pampalubag-loob). Madami akong dala, naiinitan na ako sa aking suot, gustong-gusto ko na makasakay. Pero bakit lahat ng FX na bakante eh pa-Cubao? Naisip ko nga, pinapa-uwi na ba ko? Nakaka-inis lang, pag naman pauwi ako laging SM Fairview ang bakanteng FX, laging walang Cubao. Ngayon naman parang gusto ako pauwiin. Hindi-hindi, hindi ako pwede umuwi dahil sayang naman ang bitbit kong gamit para sa pupuntahan ko. Pareho na kaming naiinip ng kasama ko, naubos na ata ang pwedeng pagkwentuhan, ilang beses narin naging red tapos green ang stoplight, wala pa rin. Pawis na kami, walang masilungan, pero nagbabakasakali pa rin kami. Pero bawat stop at go, laging puno o kaya naman isa lang ang pwedeng isakay ng SM Fairview na FX. Napagdesisyunan naming mag-jeep nalang para magkasama parin kami, kahit na mauunang bababa ang aking kasama. Sabi ko, "isang go na lang ng stop light, pag wala talaga eh jeep na". Nag-go nanaman, andaming FX, nakakatuwa. Kinse minutos na kaming nakatayo, "wow! Sa wakas?". Pero bigo dahil lahat nanaman ay pa-Cubao, ano ba naman yan? Nung sasakay na kami ng jeep, may isang FX na SM Fairview, pang-isa nanaman. Hinayaan na namin at naghiwalay na lang. Nakasakay na ako sa wakas, at nag-jeep na ang kaibigan. Maghihiwalay rin pala...

Bakit ganun? Kapag hindi mo hinahanap o kailangan, andiyan lang. Papansin, nagpaparamdam. Kapag hinahanap mo, hindi binibigay sayo o kung ibibigay man, pahirapan.

Ganun talaga ang buhay, walang basta-basta. Kailangan ng sakripisyo, kailangan ng panahon at ng hirap - bakit? Kaya nga nagkakaroon ng saysay ang buhay diba? Kung hindi mo paghihirapan, anong halaga? Hindi ba't ang dali baliwalain kapag hindi mo naman kailangan? Hindi ba ang bilis palampasin, ang dali dedmahin ang mga ibang bagay sa paligid pag hindi naman yun ang hanap mo? Pero kapag yun ang kailangan mo, ang hanap mo - handa kang mag-intay, magpakahirap, magsakripisyo para lang dun. At yun lang, YUN LAMANG ang iyong nakikita. Nakakatawang isipin no? Bakit ganun? Hindi natin napapansin pero ganun tayo, ganun ang mundo. Kaya buksan mo ang iyong mga mata, kaibigan... Hindi natin alam, nang dahil sa kakahanap, maaaring nakalampas na pala ang para sa'yo ng di mo namamalayan.

The Box

2009-10-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

Once, there was a little girl trapped inside her own bedroom. At night, she hears the problems around her. No matter how hard she tried to shut everything, the voices kept on haunting her. All the pain, she absorbed. As she hears all the tears, they do not know that this little girl weeps twice as much. She kept all these inside her heart. Everytime the night falls her heart screams, seeking help but there's no one there. She carried the emotional load alone, heavier each passing day. It was hard to put on a fake smile on her face and pretend everything's okay. No one knew the burden on her shoulders, her silent cries - unnoticed, even if she's slowing dying inside - no one has clue. She couldn't move, there's no escape, the voices keep on following her - loud and clear. Also, she wants to know more, she wants to help, she wants to fix things but she's trapped inside her room, helpless. The little girl is so frustrated, knowing everything but pretending to know nothing. Oh the great pretender.

The little girl had this imaginary friend, she talks to him each night until she falls asleep. She unloads all her sorrows by telling everything to her imaginary friend named J. As she entrusts her troubles to J, magically everything falls into place. Her trust in J keeps her going, J is the only one who knows and understands it all. The little girl trusts J alone, she firmly believes that everything will be fine as long as J is there, "J will take care of it" she says. As J wipes the little girl's tears, the little girl then believed that J is her superhero. Each night that the little girl weeps, J arrives and saves her. At times, the little girl tends to forget about J. But J always forgives, and he never fails to come whenever the little girl needs Him. The little girl then promised that she will always believe in J, trust in J and never ever doubt. She loved J more and more as it was harder to keep that promise. More nights of trial and pain tested her commitment. But the little girl seeks J each time, J just said "keep holding on" and she did. The little girl is still in pain, but with J by her side, she knows that she can take anything. The rest of the world may not believe, others might think it's foolish but for the little girl, it's faith.

An experience I'll never forget

2009-09-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

T`was not my ordinary Friday, I was sleepless because of the previous night's work for Adver, me and my group's creatives team worked all night. I wasn't able to attend my first class because of lack of sleep, I knew I would collapse during the latter part of the day if I didn't rest even for just a couple of hours. And so, for 3 precious hours I was able to 're-charge', I must say it helped.. a lot! Although my entire body was screaming 'I don't wanna go on, I need rest' and I was emotionally down as well, I had to push it a little more . I went to school for my next class, then off the Ateneo after. It started to rain then. It was starting to scare me, when I saw the rain drops pouring. But I am always optismistic, and I thought, "it will stop later". It took us quite some time to reach Ateneo, because of the traffic and the rain - our scheduled activities were moved. No one wanted this, but we had no choice. Around 7 pm, I was starting to panic. An outdoor activity we planned for an entire month would be ruined because of the rain. It was hard to create an alternative plan for this because of the limited dry location. I didn't know what to do, and I hated the feeling of being helpless. Good thing, it was my turn to have my 'alone time' with Him. During that time, I prayed, I talked to Him. I remembered the exact same time in the previous batch when I was given the same opportunity, to talk to Him privately. And I was sure, I wasted it. I used that time to talk about my 'drunk story' instead of praying. I truly regret doing that. So this time, I really used this time for Him alone. I recalled all the pain, the sacrifices I made, all the problems I faced. And then, I thanked Him for calling me once again. I couldn't control the tears. And a voice that I tried hard to escape, for so long I tried not to hear... Finally, said the word 'Sorry'. When that person left, it was like a dagger that was stabbing my heart for some time now, stabbed it for the last time then the pain was gone. I knew it was time to finally forgive and forget. It was yet another breakdown, but I knew it would be the last. Then there's this indescribable joy, of being there.. of being with Him once more, of serving Him. After all that I've been through, it was truly worth it. I knew He was testing me, if I am willing to fight for Him. Indeed, it was a constant struggle, when the people closest to you do not understand and you cannot to anything to make them understand. When no one's supporting you, you feel that most of them are against the work you love most, it was hard. That made me realize how He felt during His time, when the people were against Him, still He endured and died for us. And so, I just said, "I leave it all up to You now", and entrusted everything unto Him. The rain didn't stop and there was no sign that it would. Good thing, our heads helped and we were able to make a dry route. And by some miracle, we were able to reach our goal. I really didn't expect, I didn't even hope for it. I just wanted to do better this time, but we even exceeded our target. Oh joy, oh joy! I was giddy all night. I realized that it was His way, that although it rained, He still blessed us. I was able to redeem myself, and for the success of the activity, I am truly thankful.

We (my brother, Ayie and I) arrived at my home around 6am, Saturday. We ate then started to work on our psych experiment due that same day. Bath time, no sleep then off to school. We were waiting for the suspension of classes but it was announced when we were already at school. The professor was the there, and he just finished his discussion then dismissed us. But by the time we were ready to go, the water in front of our building was already knee-high. I was freaking out, I wanted to go to Ateneo so bad. But when we decided to 'try our luck', venture under the pouring rain, my parents called and told me to stay in school and wait for the rain to stop. But the rain didn't stop, and time was slowly passing.. The water outside continued to rise. The first floor of our building was already filled with water up to the thighs and there's no electricity. The CSC started serving food, but it was a long line so we decided not to bother. Good thing, two friends went out to buy food for us, they bought McDonald's burgers and that was the last stock they had. Free bottled water and juice were given out by the Commerce students. Around 3pm, the ABSC gave us 1pc burgersteak for late lunch. I wasn't talking much, although I wanted to bond with my friends, I couldn't smile or talk at least. It was hard because I really wanted to go back to Ateneo and I was worried, I kept on thinking of the activities that would be affected because of the rain. It was frustrating when there's nothing you can do. A friend talked to me, told me that' God has a reason'. With that thought, I tried to control my depression and started to mingle. We were dancing to kill time, then talking, playing games like spin the bottle. And yes, I used my time wisely, I SLEPT. Since there's no hope that we'll be able to go home anytime soon, without care I slept on the floor, on the platform - it was my much-awaited time to rest. Dinner all thanks to the Seminary people, I have to be honest - this was the time that I really felt like I was in an evacuation center. We were eating Arroz Caldo - 1 bowl, 4 students had to share, using 1 FORK. Yes, not spoon. After dinner, all the AB students and the Admin/Faculty that were present prayed the Rosary together. It was such a beautiful moment. Then bonding time again, this time I was 'one of the boys'. t`was fun talking bout random things. It was the most memorable UBE (Ultimate Bonding Experience). Though it was fun, I wasn't entirely happy and I couldn't enjoy it fully, because my family was so worried. All of them were together at home, and I was stuck in school. They even said they would pick me up any time, as long as its safe to go. As midnight approached, there's no globe signal. Both phones, low battery. And the two candles, the only source of light inside our room. also died. There's nothing left to do but to sleep. I woke up the next day, one slice of bread as breakfast. Then someone called my name, and I was shocked to see my brother. I was just thinking of using the Dean's office's landline to call home because both phones were dead. My whole family fetched me, they left the house around 5am. My parents were at Maceda street with the car, my 2 brothers walked all the way to UST. I couldn't explain the joy, the relief. *whew* We walked from UST to Maceda. It was a long way, but I didn't feel tired or anything, I was excited to go home. A lot of places were still filled with water then. You can no longer see the UST field, only the steps of the Grandstand. My uniform turned into an instant micro mini skirt because there were areas where the water was still thigh-high. And yes, there were 'Baha Waves', while walking there were some jeepneys driving along. What an experience. I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. Oh, self-pity. We arrived home safely, thank God. I took extra time and effort to clean my legs after the walking through 'baha'. Ayie and I went straight to Ateneo after. I was so happy to finally see my fellow dazers. Everything went well despite all the challenges. Indeed, we passed the ultimate test. He knew that we are capable of handling trials, that's why He gave us this challenge. He loves us so much that He kept us safe, the UST DWTL BATCH 74 is truly blessed. With Him, nothing is impossible. He will never let us down.

When I was able to finally watch TV, I was shocked. The news was heartbreaking. I didn't know how blessed I was until I was able to see what happened to many others. I regret feeling sorry for myself when I was stranded in UST. I didn't know others haven't eaten for several days now, that a lot died, lost their homes & loved ones and that plenty are still missing. My experience was nothing compared to their experience. I AM LUCKY. So together, let's us continue praying for those who are affected by Typhoon Ondoy. And let's us help in whatever way we can. Spread the love, show them hope and share your blessings. :)

Nothing beats serving You.
I WILL ALWAYS SAY YES TO YOU.
Fighting for you is a constant struggle, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
Anything for You, definitely worth it.

Let me be with You.

2009-09-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

At ikaw na lamang
Ang tanging sandigan
Sa kahapong nagdaan
Sa kasalukuyan
At sa pagharap sa bukas.

Dahil ikaw nalang ang kinakapitan
Sa poot, sa hirap, sa luha
Lahat ng ito, balewala.
Dahil ang iyong pag-ibig ay sapat.
Upang mapawi lahat

Ikaw lamang, ikaw lamang.

Ang iyong labis na pagmamahal.
Ang walang sawang paggabay
Sa lahat ng pagod, ikaw ang karamay.
Ikaw lamang ang kailangan.

You're the only one I'm holding on to.
The only reason I make it through.
Each day, I pray that you'll never get tired.
And I promise, for you I will fight.

Your love is my strength
My hope, my answered prayer.
In you I find contentment
Forever, I'll stick with our commitment.

Keep me close.
Lead the way.
I give you my trust.
Together, we make it through each day.

Let me be with You.

You know, I'll always say YES to You.
For you, everything, anything.
I love you, KJ.

WHAT HURTS THE MOST

2009-08-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

EP's Note :)

2009-08-19T07:02:00.001-07:00

I've always liked the job, but I was afraid of the responsibility. I didn't know if I was ready, I wasn't confident that I'll be effective as an Executive Producer. Pressure. Pressure. Pressure.

I wouldn't deny that I was shocked by the huge responsibility that suddenly dropped like an atomic bomb in my life. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to quit. I've never been that 'responsible' in my life, I always believed that I'm better off as a member, a follower. Though, I like handling people. When the chance finally knocked on my door, It was at the point when there were tons of things to do, I didn't know if I could take it. Pressure everywhere. Work here and there. I wanted to click pause and rest, but there's no way to stop. I had no idea what to do first, how to handle things. I had lots of fears, but I had no choice but to face them.

Then, the breakdown. I felt shattered, broken, torn. I had to fix myself.

One night of temporary high, of bittersweet escape, of release, of laughter and tears, of freedom from it all. Yes, it felt good... momentary bliss. But it didn't last long, and it didn't solve a thing.

I gathered the pieces and tried to patch myself back together. I had to be strong.

I gave it my time and effort. And though, I wasn't suppose to, I expected that the others would give the same, because it concerned all of us - it will benefit all anyway. But sadly, there were times when I didn't feel that they cared as much. Probably they had their reasons, and I don't take it against them. Good thing all worked out as planned, and just by that, I'm thankful. ;)

It feels so damn great to see everything you've worked for, fall into place. Success is sweet. I'm so proud. All the tears, pressure and pain, paid off. I learned a lot, and I'm glad that I was able to do something new, I conquered my fears and improved. I am strong.

Truly, with Him, nothing is impossible. :)

Just one night couldn't be so wrong.

2009-08-13T03:41:00.000-07:00

Minsan mahirap pag buong buhay mo, nasa'yo ang lahat. Na laging maayos at parang walang problema. Kasi kapag hinarap mo ang totoong buhay, paano ka na? Simpleng bagay, iniiyakan. Onti problema, di kaya. Kasi pakiramdam mo, buong mundo mo bumabagsak na. Ano nga ba ang binatbat ng problema mo sa problema ng iba? Sa problema ng mga taong wala ng makain, walang pambili ng gamot sa kapamilyang may sakit, sa mga walang mauwian. Walang wala, walang sinabi.

Pero kahit ganito, masakit. Mahirap. Kasi di mo maintindihan paano bibigyang solusyon. Hindi mo alam saan kakapit kapag lahat kinuha na sayo, dahil hindi ka marunong tumayo ng mag-isa. Mahirap tanggapin na may mga bagay na hindi mo hawak, hindi lahat kaya mong ayusin, at di lahat ng gusto mo masusunod. Tila hindi makagalaw sa mundo ng walang sinasadalan.

Buong akala ko, isang gabi ng pagwawala ay makakapagbago ng lahat. Oo, masarap. Masarap ilabas ang galit sa mundo. Masarap ang pakiramdam ng walang pakialam, gumuho man ang bukas. Masarap yung hindi mo alam ang nangyayari. Pero pagkatapos ng lahat ng pagkahigh, babagsak at babagsak parin sa puntong kailangan mong harapin ang bukas. Kahit makalimot ka sandali, hinding hindi mabubura ang problemang nasa harapan mo. Walang permanenteng kawala sa katotohanang may maling dapat ayusin.

Nagwala, inaaway ang lahat, ang mundo'y umiikot, ulo'y kumikirot. Wala sa sarili. Tumatawa, nagagalit, nananakit. Lahat ito nagaganap ng hindi ko nacocontrol. Hindi ko sadya, pero hindi ko rin mapigilan. Pagkagising ko sa umaga na nasa tamang pagiisip na, hindi pala naayos ang mundo ko sa ginawa ko. Marami lang akong nasaktan, pinagalala at pinerwisyo. Pero sa oras na yun, nailabas ko ang lahat ng bigat na naipon. Ang mga hinaing na tinago, mga palihim na luha. Ito marahil ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako lubusang nagsisi sa nangyari. Dahil alam kong minsan sa buhay ko, kahit sandali, nagawa kong takasan ang mundo.

Ngayon, muling akong humaharap sa tunay na buhay. Patuloy paring nagtatanong kung bakit hindi nauubos ang problema? At tila nadadagdagan pa. Bakit sabay sabay ibinubuhos ang lahat? Bakit ngayon pa?

Hindi ko alam ang sagot diyan ngunit naniniwala akong hindi ito ibibigay sakin kung hindi ko kaya. Panahon na para maging matibay ang loob. Umpisa palang ang lahat ng ito, susuko na ba ko?

Syempre, hindi. Naniniwala akong kaya ko pa, may solusyon pa.

Hindi lang talaga maiwasang minsan gugustuhin mong patigilin ang mundo, dahil nakakapagod tumakbo parang masabayan ang pagikot nito. Masakit pang madapa pa sa kalagitnaan. Pero hindi titigil ang mundo para lang sayo. Nasa sayo kung magpapaiwan ka nalang, o haharapin ang hamon. Walang madali, walang nagtagumpay ng hindi nahihirapan, napapagod o nasusugatan.

Walang mararating kung hindi ka gagalaw. Laging may pag-asa, basta lakasan lang ng loob. At syempre, DASAL.

Bukas, handa nakong muling ibigay ang sarili ng buong buo sa Kanya. Alam ko, lahat ay magiging maayos na.

Never underestimate the power of a HUG

2009-07-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

At the end of stressful day, sometimes you just need to hear that someone say, "okay lang yan". Just like a magic spell, those three simple words takes all the pain away. And just when you feel like you can't go on, you just wanna breakdown and cry, when giving up is the best solution - sometimes you just need someone to hold you, no need for words, just that warm embrace. And just by that, you have the strength to face tomorrow. *sigh*

Where is that 'someone'? My 'someone'?

I need you NOW.

2009-07-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

Why is love intensified by absence?

BELIEVE

2009-07-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

MIRACLES HAPPEN.